greatbear: (me and mom)
[personal profile] greatbear
I know not everyone has the best of relationships with their mothers, I was fortunate enough to have the greatest mom ever, in so many words. It's pushing nine years since I lost her to cancer, and I still get upset at times, as though it just happened. I miss her so much.

I was fortunate enough fifteen years ago to be accepted into Jeff's family, with his mom and dad treating me like one of their own from the get-go. Jeff and I make it a point to head north and visit for both Mother's and Father's Days. Last year, in the legal sense, Jeff's family became mine when we got married (here's another take on "for better and for worse" being that some of the extended family are, to say it nicely, not easy to live with). Mother's Day is a somber sort of affair, since she's now deep in the grip of Alzheimer's disease and is pretty much off in her own tiny world. Every now and then we will be treated to a little ray of light from that tiny world.

I've been fortunate enough to have two moms, but having lost one and now having one so far out of reach, this day gets harder and harder to take.

Date: 2015-05-11 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I know Mother's Day is tough on you.

I was thinking of you today, and wondering how you are doing.

Date: 2015-05-11 12:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I have been making progress with my depression, but yesterday was a hard day. I couldn't shake the sadness of losing mom 18 months ago. I thought of you, as you are one of the few I sense was as close to their mother as I was ...

Sending hugs!

Date: 2015-05-11 01:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm with you, buddy.

I try to focus on how fortunate I was to have the kind of connection with my mom that we had for so long. She would not want me to get lost in grief -- and I easily could.

Glad I got to meet Jeff's mom when she was doing better...

Date: 2015-05-11 01:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I tend to deny Mothers and Fathers Days as my childhood was, shall we say, not the best. I have few fond memories of such times. What it has given me is an appreciation of those, like you, that did have loving connected parents. Whether it's a parent or someone else close, the love endures as long as we keep the memories alive.

Date: 2015-05-12 01:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My mom has dementia too, so I know it's difficult to see the changes in them. The bitter irony is that when I had my brain injury in 1981, a lot of people—including my mother—complained to me, "Why'd you have to go and change? I want the old you back!"

That hurt worse than a slap in the face, and I hope experiencing it has given me a little sensitivity in dealing with people who—invariably—change.

Date: 2015-05-14 04:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hugs to you, Phil. I can't believe it has been so long since you first posted about losing your mother. Living with losses is the toughest part of being human, I think.

Date: 2015-05-16 11:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I know the loss of your mother was hard for you but you are a lucky man to have had that good relationship for as long as you did. I haven't had any contact with my family at all in almost 40 years now . But ,this is a blessing too and I'm a lucky man as well to have survived and prospered on my own which is what I think to myself on mothers and fathers day
Edited Date: 2015-05-16 11:30 pm (UTC)


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