Cane and disabled

[greatbear]

So, this weekend my back decided to, once again, crumble and leave me, once again, hunched over in extreme pain, unable to walk for any distance without my stick, and make sleeping an uncomfortable activity at best. This setback, one I was dreading more than anything in the face of so much going on with the wedding prep, spring cleaning and fixing, recalcitrant vehicles and just everyday life, puts into question everything that has been planned for this year. If this gets any worse and I need to go under the knife, it will have to be the most invasive procedure so far, where my entire lower back will have to be fused, with who knows how long of a recovery time (I've never actually recovered from the first time, much less this second go-round), and my abilities to lead a normal, active life from here on out are completely destroyed.

I can't walk the dogs, do yard work, hell, even vacuuming the floor right now is out. At best I can sit around uncomfortably for a while before I have to try and lay down to alleviate the pain and discomfort.

This bullshit has most likely put everything for this year in doubt, including our wedding.

I can't even guarantee that this pain and disability won't cause me to do something very stupid and rash.

Fuck my worthless excuse for a life.

Comments

[patrock.livejournal.com]

aaarrgggh man ....that is such a fucking bummer

Let's go get our skeletons replaced with titanium then fused with power walkers, like Sigourney Weaver in Aliens, then we can go out and terrorize anyone who dare cross our path. How fun would it be fun to destroy a mall?!

[tonethbone.livejournal.com]

You are understandably upset. The only advice I can offer is take care of that back first ...and stop the "worthless excuse for a life" stuff. That's your frustration at work.

I deal with a lot of the same...and with the helpless feeling about yard work and walking the dog...so I understand a lot of your feeling

Also..ditch the cane (it can make things worse) and get a walker for use around the house...better stability for walking while you are dealing with intense pain

I am sorry about all of this...especially your frustration and anger

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Phil, you don't have a worthless excuse for a life. it's as Tony said, that's your frustration at work. Please don't do anything rash. You have a partner who loves you and folks who count on you. It's my understanding that one of the most debilitating tasks you can do with back issues is vacuum. It can throw you off balance. Also, the suggestion to use a walker for stability is a sound one. Please be careful ....

Big HUGS!

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I'd argue against the worthless life comment if I thought you meant it - sounds like an accurate expression of how you feel, logic be damned. Rant away, the "spirit" is willing but the flesh is fucking annoying.

[ricksf.livejournal.com]

It's easy to grab the old adage about life's lemons and making lemonade. Having recently 'graduated' from a hospital stay, I can't say I feel your pain. But I do have sympathy agony for sure.

I tend to be very pragmatic when faced with issues like yours. Giving up isn't an option most of us will accept, lamenting our bad fortune is good for venting but isn't a cure, and so we're faced with the need to grumble 'dammit' and fight the fight.

Big GENTLE hugs, Phil. Stay tough!

[mort-83.livejournal.com]

That really sucks Phil, I've very sorry--your anger and frustration are totally understandable...be gentle with yourself, OK? Damn, I wish I could get you to see my trainer...he deals with people in your situation all the time. Perhaps I could set something up long distance--he might be able to provide some help.

[merlinwon.livejournal.com]

In hopes this is a quick spell.. hang TUFF!!

♥

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Well shit. I hope this passes of it's own accord and fast!

[maxauburn.livejournal.com]

I know you don't really mean it when you say you might do something stupid and rash; you just want the pain to end. You love Jeff and he loves you, and then there's Kodi, the cats, and all your other friends in real time and online.

You still have a lot going for you.

Hoping you will get some relief from the pain and soon. Things just have to get better for you!

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

I hope this turns out to be but a brief setback.

Take care of yourself, man - and try not to let it get to you too much. I know that's easy to say, but ... [CAREFUL HUGS]

[redmoonriver.livejournal.com]

Sending you love, dear, and hoping for the best.

[timbear.livejournal.com]

That doesn't sound good.

However, you've done this before, you can do it again, it will get better.

[mcbulldawg.livejournal.com]

Hello sir...

Been a while since I have posted a comment, but I always read.

You know, you have a great support group here.. you are loved, truly and that is a huge blessing! you are a rich man.. not many have that.

I get where you're coming from about your anger. Sometimes, it's the only emotion we have for a while and then it gets old... and leaves you feeling empty and bitter. You are loved.

Don't let your anger overcome you... easy to read.. easy to say... hard to do...

Prayers and gentle hugs from Texas!

[anim8rbear.livejournal.com]

Hello my friend. I'm sorry you're in pain. Its not fun. I've been fighting chronic pain for 15 years now. It really wears you down. Life doesn't feel like living. For me its autoimmune arthritis and anklyosising spondylitis that makes my whole body sore, and ultimately forced me to deal with heart disease and surgery. But don't give up. Here are some things I find that help with pain:

1. Magnesium Citrate - Go seek out a product called Calm. It comes in different flavors, but ultimately it delivers a decent amount of magnesium to your system. It relaxes muscles and helps you sleep.

2. Dark Chocolate - Obviously in moderation...but dark chocolate contains magnesium and helps boost your serotonin levels. Not to mention cardio benefits. This will ultimately boost your mood and a happy bear is a less painful bear. (Use 72% cacao content or higher)

3. Ginger - Ginger is a great anti inflammatory. I find it nearly as good as OTC pain meds, though not quite as long lasting. To boost its effects, combine it with Tumeric/Curcumin.

4. Consider tart cherry juice. Also a decent anti inflammatory.

5. Boswelia Serrata. I'm taking this to help lower the immune response from AS. You can get the regular stuff pretty easily, but consider checking out 5-Loxin or Aflapin as more powerful variants of the substance.

6. Capsaicin - Rubs of this substance can penetrate skin and help relieve pain. Or consider taking cayenne.

These would be my primary list of herb/natural helpers. Maybe they will help you too.

Now if you want to move to more hardcore stuff...well I can go over a bunch of different prescription meds that might help, but as they say, I'm not a doctor.

[anim8rbear.livejournal.com]

Oh! Also forgot to add...

Watch the electrolyte balance. I mentioned magnesium, but low potassium, zinc or calcium can also be problematic...especially if the pain is muscle related. The body goes to herculean efforts to keep all of those electrolytes and minerals in balance...so a lot of times blood tests will still read proper values, but you're truly deficient.

Consider adding some coconut water to your diet. Its strong in all electrolytes and absorbs well.

[2stroker.livejournal.com]

one day at a time. Things will improve over time so don't let your frustration get the better of you. Have you ever looked into alternative treatments ? You might be surprised what some 80 year old Chinese guy could do for you with a hand full of needles and a few jars of herbs