It's another blargh posting

[greatbear]

I havent had much of a mind towards any meaningful updates to this blog-like mess in recent days. Too many disconnected thoughts, ennui, anger, disgust and outright hatred of political figures and current events, distractions... pick one, pick 'em all, they are not only keeping me from doing anything here, but also making me live a shuttered, insular, almost hermit-like existence lately. While the recent jaunt to NYC was a nice (and needed) little excursion, it was mostly just a shaft of light shining down into a grey, quiet life I've been leading. Like a focused spotlight on a darkened stage, I just stood in it for a while till it eventually extinguished and I went back to my usual routines. Such has been the norm for a while.

I have a great deal to be thankful for and happy about, don't get me wrong. I just tend to keep those things close to me. For some reason though, I am letting things mostly outside of my control get to me. This country, this world is a mess, and there is no sign of it improving. I am sick to death of politics, and I'd like to simply ignore it all if it weren't for the fact that it involves and is directed at me and my friends most of the time. I am angry about corporate power grabs that increase every day and cost me money and take away my rights. I harber a particularly bileful brand of ire for religion and how it has become nothing more than a mental illness and is keeping people ignorant, manipulatable and in constant fear. Right now, the only thing keeping me from exploding and taking it out on some other human is my being able to get away from it all and temper my occasional rage.

I feel fortunate that I have more friends now than at any other time in my life. I also find that a lot of these friends are under similar pressures in some ways. I am also frustrated that many of them are either unaware of some of the issues causing problems, or worse, choose to ignore them. I help where I can, and am glad when it's appreciated.

I guess part of my 'problem' is caused by my empathic nature. I care about people. My empathy, however, is countered by the feeling that people are the sum of their actions. To me, if someone's existence centers around, say, taking advantage of or harming others, that person is disposable. I will feel no pain whatsoever if such an individual gets his 'just desserts', or worse. It's an odd mental space to be in.

I've got to find a means to take this negative energy and somehow use it in a positive way. The gym is an option, but to be honest, the ones around here seem to be filled with self important types looking to socialize. I have to find an old-fashioned powerlifting gym that scares away the 'socialites'.

My own entries into my blog have pissed me off to the point of not completing them. The "Music And Your Rights" series I have been continuing has reached a point of such absurdity in regards to what the 'media companies' are trying to accomplish (and, unfortunately, succeeding) that I don't even want to see the words I have written. Greed knows no boundaries anymore, and I feel trying to let people know the 'deal' is falling on deaf ears.

My blog will continue to exist, but at this point I am not sure in what form. Mostly it is just a gateway into my friends list right now, which is where I spend my time with it. You'll see comments from me, but not much in the way of my own entries until I sort out things in my life.

Comments

[danlmarmot.livejournal.com]

I'm with you. If I had a dollar for every half-completed rant post that I've marked private for fear of seeming like a angry old man, there'd be enough for... quite a few pitchers of beer at the bar of your choice.

I feel with you, Phil. And like you (I suspect) I've been taking on projects not necessarily to get something done, but to distract me from the world of ugliness out there.

Blargh indeed.

[orange-groves.livejournal.com]

You're a man after my own heart. I totally understand what you're going through

[leatherotter.livejournal.com]

I, too, have really been trying to figure out better outlets for my own rage. I have a number of posts that, while possibly interesting, have just succumbed to the general angst of these days that they may never see the light of LJ. But the more things happen the more I really want to pick up instruments, run around the country, and do my best to whack people upside the head with some sort of thought.

*sighs*

Unfortunately the other half of the time I feel like I can't figure out what the fuck is going on and am just as ignorant, if not worse, than those I want to knock senseful.

[fjdbear.livejournal.com]

You need to turn the proverbial TV off sometimes and not let what the world is doing around you take hold and turn you into someone you don't like. THe powers that be would love that.


Those people that REALLY dont care about what is going on around them? Fuck em. I'm not saying you shouldn't speak your mind and hope it rubs off on em. But there's a BIG difference in being conscious and choosing to ignore this cruel and unjust world, the evil that is running this country, our enemies, and all the bad news- for SELF-preservation sake, oppossed to people who don't have a clue.

[mr-wes.livejournal.com]

If you find a gym around here that's not full of gym bunnies and society queens let me know--I'm still looking. It's funny you should mention religion since that's the only thing that's kept me from going postal here lately.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

Weird - I've been commenting recently on the fact that quite a few people are upset/unhappy/breaking up/suffering a loved one die - it's almost endemic atm.

In fact my partner quite oddly (for a marxist aetheist) said something like:

"Maybe they know it's the end of the world / apocalypse is coming"

Odd, but it sure feels that way sometimes.