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greatbearA thoughtful one from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sfmini:
Have the events of the last year drastically changed the direction you want your future to go?
Whew. As much as the horrible events of last year, culminating with the loss of my mother, has affected me, not much has changed overall in where I want my life to go as the years go on. To be sure, there are revisions and changes to be made, but I still see myself going forward, trying to do more travelling, live comfortably and be as successful as I can be. After all, Mom would not want me to alter my hopes, dreams and plans. I am, however, still finding it very difficult in dealing with this loss. It still does not feel 'real' at times. Not a day goes by that I am not beseiged with images, sounds, and feelings from my memory. This can be good and bad. I am blessed/cursed with a form of eidetic memory. People have learned to fear my presence when something embarrassing happens to them, since years can go by and I will bring up excruciating details at (their) most inopportune time. It's also the reason I can tear apart an automatic transmission, throw the parts in a box and reassemble it months later without needing a giagram. However, in my private little brainspace, it's my endless shoebox of photos, stack of grainy VHS tapes and scratchy 45s that I can lose myself in. Memories are all I have of so many things, and so many people. If I lose those, then life for me is hollow and pointless.
I suppose the biggest change has to be that I no longer have a 'true' family by definition. That said, though, I must now make an extra effort into claiming Jeff and his family as mine, as well as keeping close friends that much closer. They are all I have now, and mean the world to me.
Be a part of my very own production, "March Of The Questions", while there is still time!
sfmini:Have the events of the last year drastically changed the direction you want your future to go?
Whew. As much as the horrible events of last year, culminating with the loss of my mother, has affected me, not much has changed overall in where I want my life to go as the years go on. To be sure, there are revisions and changes to be made, but I still see myself going forward, trying to do more travelling, live comfortably and be as successful as I can be. After all, Mom would not want me to alter my hopes, dreams and plans. I am, however, still finding it very difficult in dealing with this loss. It still does not feel 'real' at times. Not a day goes by that I am not beseiged with images, sounds, and feelings from my memory. This can be good and bad. I am blessed/cursed with a form of eidetic memory. People have learned to fear my presence when something embarrassing happens to them, since years can go by and I will bring up excruciating details at (their) most inopportune time. It's also the reason I can tear apart an automatic transmission, throw the parts in a box and reassemble it months later without needing a giagram. However, in my private little brainspace, it's my endless shoebox of photos, stack of grainy VHS tapes and scratchy 45s that I can lose myself in. Memories are all I have of so many things, and so many people. If I lose those, then life for me is hollow and pointless.
I suppose the biggest change has to be that I no longer have a 'true' family by definition. That said, though, I must now make an extra effort into claiming Jeff and his family as mine, as well as keeping close friends that much closer. They are all I have now, and mean the world to me.
Be a part of my very own production, "March Of The Questions", while there is still time!
