Trying to keep busy

So, to try and keep my mind occupied I have been blasting my way through delayed and put-off home repairs and improvements. Not many know this, but I am actually quite adept at woodworking, having a rather enviable shop of tools and goodies amassed over my increasing years. Unlike some, though, I never really ended up with woodworking as a relaxing pasttime. I had always seen myself doing so someday, but instead, it's become one of my many abilities I call on when I need it, such as my latest fenestration foray and floor fixing foofaraw. While it might help me to stay grounded in some ways, it's not a guarantee.

For a moment I wondered why the saw table had some new rusty marks on it when I went into the shop tonight. Then I remembered crying my eyes out over the same table saw a few days ago.

Mom's beginning to slip away.

I have reached the point of being able to do what I can. It's gotten beyond me. Tomorrow I will talk to her doctor about starting home health care and hospice. She can no longer eat anything of substance. She's slowly wasting away, becoming more tired as each day passes. What really gets to me is seeing this strong-willed woman who has been, believe it or not, my primary role model in life slowly lose her abilities and gumption to this horrid disease. It really does rip my heart to complete shreds. So bad that it shows up as rusting stationary power tools.

You would not want to see how it shows up on me.