Posting and feeling obligated

[greatbear]

I have not been posting much. Anyone paying attention would likely notice this. Thing is, I've always been a rather private, busy sort. I approached the internet in it's earliest days not just for being a techie/business/information resource, but as a way to kinda force myself to be more outgoing, to relate to people I don't know (yet) in a more personal, direct manner. Taking this track allowed me to dip my toe into the interpersonal relations waters minus the direct contact, which was always my stumbling block. You see, once I get to know someone, I'm at ease, the conversations flow, good times are to be had. I found the 'net to be the perfect 'ice breaker' for me, and it's treated me very well ever since.

Recently, though, I feel myself retreating a bit, and really not feeling much like socializing. The reasons are many, from being busy at work and with projects both here at home and up in PA with Jeff's parents, to finding myself seemingly brushed off by quite a few so-called friends that dont return calls or messages. So, I take the hint and replace social interaction with my old standbys like tinkering and projects, going to swap meets, music listening and other introspective pursuits. I'm happy as a clam with this sort of thing. Part of this feeling is probably from 'overextending' myself into the social realm, building a sort of dependence on other people for enjoyment. Well, people have their own lives, like me, and can't be counted on to be the most reliable friends. Rather than feel exposed, I minimized my interaction with a considerable amount of people and instead placed the onus of friendship in their hands. In quite a few (more than half) I was greeted with silence and inaction. Okay, now I know where not to concentrate efforts and instead focus on those that seem to really care. It's a start, I guess.

Now, I've said that I am mostly a rather private individual, and I'm a man of substance. The same internet that brought my out of my shell has changed over the years, and not in the best ways that suit my personality. Services like Facebook and Twitter feed on the minutiae of daily life, encouraging people to constantly publish their activities. This in itself is not intrinsically bad, but it's not for me. I signed up for Facebook as a means to keep in touch with others, and intend to try and use it for that purpose. But I can't constantly upload the droll happenings of my life just because I can, and if I happen to be doing something of note, well, why should I drop what I am doing and tell the world? LJ is like that for me in some ways too. I considered Twitter in the beginning, but thought better of it. All of these electronic gotchas are tinged with 'obligation', which is something I feel uncomfortable with. I am a great user of technology, but I feel like the tech is using me all too often.

All this being said, I intend to keep with my ramblings here on LJ. Unfortunately, a good many people from here have migrated into the 140-character-at-a-time worlds. I'll miss the substantive posts and deeper interactions that 'macroblogging' provides. If it finds readership and interaction, then I am happy.

PS: The New Queensryche album is awesome.

Comments

[le-lapin.livejournal.com]

140 letters posts can be substantive too you know, for example you could summarize this post of yours in much less I think.

[bearlover.livejournal.com]

I need to check out the new album! I totally forgot it came out. In other news the new Pain of Salvation DVD is soon to be released and I'm stoked.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

FWIW, I have a feeling this new micro blogging is a phase and people will tire of it and go back to blogging the old fashioned way over time.

Blogging itself I think is going through a shift in and of itself now that its been around a while but I doubt it'll go away, it's too valuable a method to convey many things from how to live small to whatever.

I have never drunk the Twitter kool-aid and unless I need to, facebook is not going to find favor with me either.

I will say this, facebook and Myspace will soon die for it require much more of your time I think that LJ does for here, you don't have to blog all the time, perhaps once or twice a week may suffice where as facebook needs your input NOW, 24/7 just about and unless it's automatigically uploaded without any effort, it'll not be a long lasting format I think.

[sfmini.livejournal.com]

I got into facebook primarily to connect with people having to do with my 30th high school reunion. All I get is middle aged women, bhech. I added a few people that I knew, mostly from LJ, all it seems to do is give me twice the places to read, you being one of two people that ever responded to anything I said.

LJ has become a list of people not really associated with my life. I feel close to you, first because of MINIdom, but later around the loss of your mother. Somehow there was a connection, of sorts I hope. For everyone else, I just seem to be reading about people I don't know for no particular reason. Blech

But it's here. Facebook, on the other hand, is going, soon.

[danlmarmot.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty close to where you are, Phil with all this. I've been feeling a need to retreat and not feel so exposed--a great choice of words.

For me, it started a year ago, when I went back home to my parent's house and spent three days cleaning up my 12 boxes of stuff in the garage (not counting the stuff in the attic!). I found a huge stash of little projects: an attempt in 3rd grade to collect samples of every element, a project in high school to make a music generator out of some new IC chip, a drafting project for My Ultimate Dream House (1981), designs for flexagons and polyhedra, designs for new exciting freeway interchanges, old Commodore C128 code to render 3-D ray tracing, a hand written notebook listing the characteristics of every Star Trek planet, a small breadboarded calculator that didn't even do decimal math. Just random geeky project that no one cared about--but I was just enjoying myself, and not interested in their approval or even if they cared.

These projects were very solitary endeavors, and while I thought I'd throw away a lot during my clean up days last year, I didn't. The exercise was both melancholy and nostalgic, and I came away with a feeling that I'm not all that good in the give-and-take of social obligations, and I'd be happier just doing projects on my own. I was alone in high school, but I wasn't lonely, and really enjoyed the long nights working in my room on some little project or another.

So, yes, since April 2008 I've decided to focus on doing more interesting stuff than putting it out there. I signed up for Facebook, but don't really use it. Twitter is... whatever; I don't use it much and update it two or three times a week. I have been doing quite a bit of pictures ('photography' sounds pretentious), and using Flickr a lot more. But that's about it.

And yeah, I think LiveJournal suits my style just fine. I can ramble on as I see fit (as you do, hah, that's a compliment!) and enjoy the detached yet focused back-and-forth that neither Twitter or Facebook provide. I really don't need the "yay, you go!" encouragement those sites provide to get me motivated to do things, and the sharing of too many details to mere acquaintances makes me uncomfortable: I don't feel like I owe them anything about how I live or work or think minute-to-minute.

So that's where I am, maybe it's where you are too. I do look forward to hearing more of your exploits and projects... and I do hope we get to meet someday as well.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I'm reading when you post and I enjoy substantive posts. I know many folks skip my posts now, because I write essay style. I've been looking at Facebook and Twitter, but neither site meets my needs. If I want to know all the details of your life, in short sentences, you're probably one of my closest friends and we'll speak on the phone about it or be spending that mundane time together. I'll stick with LJ and hope that men like yourself keep writing here and that some of the people who've drifted away will come back.

[mikiedoggie.livejournal.com]

I definitely think Facebook/Twitter serves a purpose... but its definitely more limited in scope. I feel that LJ is sort of on the wane these days, its easier for people to post just a tidbit or two rather than the time and effort more a more substantive post.

I think think LJ will be around, people just won't be as active on it.

[redmoonriver.livejournal.com]

_I_ would *never* retreat!


*cough*

*cough cough*


Okay, yeah. Totally can't type that without twitching...


I totally hear you on many levels. I guess the strange thing is - for me at least - I'm kinda going in the opposite direction. Yes, I do Twit. I do update my status. Yet my blogs here seem to get exponentially longer every other day. Usually 'cuz I don't have any time I can dedicate to blogging except usually at night.

I do feel like a lot of my blogs are rather self-pitying emo monstrosities - only confirmed by the dearth of response. And yet I can't help but post some of it - a sort of "embrace my inner and external mess" time.

And it's compounded since I, too, do feel like a number of my friends constantly disappear or flake on me. There are only a handful of people who respond with any regularity/consistency. And it's usually *ME* who is the one reaching out first.

*sighs* On the other hand there's only a couple people directly in my life that I really have any _draw_ to hang out with - you know that kinda slight need to go see someone, talk to them, hang, etc.

*shrugs*



And I sooooo need to check out the new Queensrÿche, too!

[budmassey.livejournal.com]

I'm not a facebook or twitter fan either. Sometimes they seem silly.

[nyrimmer.livejournal.com]

I'm sort of the same way in fact, I just deleted all the people who never post anything or respond to anything I post. What's the point of keeping them? Facebook and twitter don't do anything for me . That 140 character stuff is really lame and who has the time for it anyway. The few friends here I have I enjoy. Their journals are interesting and even though I don't comment that often I read them all the time.I'm glad you're staying here and you know, you don't have to feel you need to explain yourself for not posting much.We all go thru ups and downs with that. Be happy man!

[fattastic.livejournal.com]

You have been missed, trust me you have. Also, please know you aren't the only one feeling this way.

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

::sniff:: I dun't know no 140 character wurds. :( Keep in mind that our current corporate state of mind is not very good right now and and as a result, many people are withdrawing into their own safe little shells. It is difficult to keep our collective eyes open when everything around us looks so forboding. Poking our heads out every once in a while does give those around us an opportunity to reach back and say, "Yeah, we are still here and we still love you, it's just scary right now." Out of sight definitely does not mean out of mind.

[closeted2.livejournal.com]

I read what you write, but never commented before. i could not agree with ypou more. I am very to myself and have very few friends. the ones I have I have noticed are not that interested in my life, as they have their own lives and problems. One has only himself and his partner to rely on. And Twitter and Facebook are for the young who have short attention spans. I have learned I have only myself and noone else.

[britbear.livejournal.com]

Nice post.
Don't feel obligated on our part. I'd rather read a thoughtful or deep-felt post once a month than drivvle twice a day.
Facebook for me is all about 'stupid shit' that happens that is humorous for the most part. i don't mind sharing that with the hordes and masses. It's amuzing to read other's stupid shit while I'm on the bus or what have you. It's a pay-to-play kind of world.

LJ has a lot more value for me. The time people take to think about wht they're posting and the meaning it has for them makes it a pleasure to read. I take time with my tea in the morning to catch up on LJ. It's a great morning ritual.

I do like that the rise of Facebook has meant that the folks that prefer the twit/fb quick post of 'stupid stuff' focus over there, and the long posters focus on LJ. Which menas ultimately the proportion of good quality posts on LJ is increasing. I like that.

As for sharing - I'll echo the alone but not lonely thing and say that I've found that the more I share of me and my life the richer I have found my social interactions have become, and the less impactful negative shit is in my life. The act of posting is cathartic sometimes.

[envirobear.livejournal.com]

I'm in the same boat, Phil...I created a FB account because so many LJ friends had shifted over there...it was a way to keep up with them. But the longer I've been on there (despite only rarely logging in), the more annoyed I get with the 10-word posts and the scads of invitations to participate in obscure "kidnap" games, etc. One guy who I think quite highly of actually sent me something 8 kidnap requests, 10 safari requests, 9 tropical fish requests, and various other requests in 3 or 4 other FB applications...there hasn't been much other personal interaction beyond that, which makes me feel like I'm a game piece in a board game. Doing those 10-word posts just isn't me...I prefer putting some thought into what I write, so I develop and flesh-out *most* of what I eventually post here in LJ. And I don't post all that frequently, either. I view LJ as a writing tablet, and as an interactive experience that really helps some of us who aren't naturally verbal and expressive...to me, it's the difference between spending a Saturday night barhopping with two dozen friends (which sometimes CAN be fun), and having a more meaningful conversation with a half-dozen friends around a crackling campfire with the only interruptions being the crickets chirping in the dusk and the laughing of people who identify with you over a shared thought. Some people would even go so far as to say that it's an issue of quantity vs. quality. I'll stick primarily with LJ.

[wrascalism.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel. Half the time I don't know what to post, it seems so inane compared to thoughtful posts. And if I don't post something I feel like I'm not keeping up my part of the social contract.

Phuck Facehook!

[beastbriskett.livejournal.com]

You kids stop Twittering on my lawn!

Keep posting what you do. There are lots of us left here on LJ who appreciate a thoughtful, paced post. I'll try to hold up my end, too.

[rockybear02.livejournal.com]

Interesting post Phil...

And it is funny how someone that you think is one of your BEST friends can just drop you in a minute...

Maybe it is me..

Queensryche

[mfpatterson.livejournal.com]

I've only heard "If I were King"
Have you heard anything else?
I also just found out that Mike Stone won't be touring/playing w/Queensryche anymore.
so many questions.

[msclwolf.livejournal.com]

I abhor the concept of Twitter. I dont mind if people are succinct, however, banality is not appealing though I admit it is relative.

Hmmm interestingly the above comment was not given any forethought or correction but I kinda like it and could wiffle on about why as I can do verbosity too LOL which is where twitter and the like fall flat on their ass. Where is the discussion and mutual resolution ro agree to disagree?

I REALLY like that first paragraph.... I want it on a T-shirt.....NOW!

So long as you are happy being who you are AND you can reflect that you would like to grow in certain directions and you do indeed try to do such, then good heavens man you are a far better and more rounded individual than many and should not worry about where you are... tis all relative ;)