The Manic Mechanic

I don't get these random, Russian-language LJers that "friend" me for a period of several weeks to a few months, then take off. Some seem to be ostensibly "valid" bloggers with actual content (at least after being parsed through Babelfish into English) though a few have been filled with what looks like news feeds or something similar to make them appear to be anything but a bot. What purpose do they serve? And are the "mutual" friend-of blogs real, or just a network of bots as well? I don't get it. I get hit with them a lot. I never reciprocate.

I have not been posting much. Anyone paying attention would likely notice this. Thing is, I've always been a rather private, busy sort. I approached the internet in it's earliest days not just for being a techie/business/information resource, but as a way to kinda force myself to be more outgoing, to relate to people I don't know (yet) in a more personal, direct manner. Taking this track allowed me to dip my toe into the interpersonal relations waters minus the direct contact, which was always my stumbling block. You see, once I get to know someone, I'm at ease, the conversations flow, good times are to be had. I found the 'net to be the perfect 'ice breaker' for me, and it's treated me very well ever since.

Recently, though, I feel myself retreating a bit, and really not feeling much like socializing. The reasons are many, from being busy at work and with projects both here at home and up in PA with Jeff's parents, to finding myself seemingly brushed off by quite a few so-called friends that dont return calls or messages. So, I take the hint and replace social interaction with my old standbys like tinkering and projects, going to swap meets, music listening and other introspective pursuits. I'm happy as a clam with this sort of thing. Part of this feeling is probably from 'overextending' myself into the social realm, building a sort of dependence on other people for enjoyment. Well, people have their own lives, like me, and can't be counted on to be the most reliable friends. Rather than feel exposed, I minimized my interaction with a considerable amount of people and instead placed the onus of friendship in their hands. In quite a few (more than half) I was greeted with silence and inaction. Okay, now I know where not to concentrate efforts and instead focus on those that seem to really care. It's a start, I guess.

Now, I've said that I am mostly a rather private individual, and I'm a man of substance. The same internet that brought my out of my shell has changed over the years, and not in the best ways that suit my personality. Services like Facebook and Twitter feed on the minutiae of daily life, encouraging people to constantly publish their activities. This in itself is not intrinsically bad, but it's not for me. I signed up for Facebook as a means to keep in touch with others, and intend to try and use it for that purpose. But I can't constantly upload the droll happenings of my life just because I can, and if I happen to be doing something of note, well, why should I drop what I am doing and tell the world? LJ is like that for me in some ways too. I considered Twitter in the beginning, but thought better of it. All of these electronic gotchas are tinged with 'obligation', which is something I feel uncomfortable with. I am a great user of technology, but I feel like the tech is using me all too often.

All this being said, I intend to keep with my ramblings here on LJ. Unfortunately, a good many people from here have migrated into the 140-character-at-a-time worlds. I'll miss the substantive posts and deeper interactions that 'macroblogging' provides. If it finds readership and interaction, then I am happy.

PS: The New Queensryche album is awesome.

It's been a long time in coming, and I have been doing what I can to keep things running as smoothly as possible here on my LJ as long as I could, but I am running out of options.

Either my LJ is a victim of it's own success, or I have overextended myself beyond a sensible involvement in it. Or perhaps it's both.

My friends list has expanded immensely over time. Keeping up with everyone's entries is time consuming. A couple hours can pass and I will gain a couple dozen or more new entries, not including those from communities or RSS feeds. In other words, by the end of the workday when I come home and unwind, I can be faced with 100 or more posts. Being that these are from those I feel 'closest' to on my list, I am faced with the choices of using a sizable amount of limited free time to interact with everyone, skimming over entries to try and find the most important ones (which is unfair), or simply reaching a cutoff point where I dont go back any further in my friends entries (even worse than unfair).

Likewise, I enjoy interacting with people who comment after I make a post. The time I spend reading and commenting on other folk's LJs takes away from the personal involvement here. This is part of the reason why my entries show up late in the day, usually the last thing before I hit the sack. It lets any comments collect slowly, and I can tend to them later the next day (I dont blog from work). I realize that many of you are in the same situation as I am, and can only read so far back. As such, my entries get missed in much the same way.

As much as I hate to say it, time has finally come for some major changes. First of all, LiveJournal has been eating into my time way too much. I simply have to spend more time doing all the other stuff and tasks that are part of daily life, or else I fall behind. As it stands, I am way behind in many areas. As springtime soon moves in, a lot of serious work needs to be done here. New roof on the house and garage, gardening and yard work, and more travel and activities that me and Jeff promised ourselves. I also need to consider my health in all of this. I used to be more active around here prior to the advent of 'net chatting and blogging. My hands were seemingly built with tools in mind, not a keyboard. And my realization that I need to create and spend more face-time with people means I have to spare the virtual socializing.

But I cant bring myself to cut off contact here with anyone. I made so many friends here. I want the virtual to become the realtime. I love to read about what y'all are doing and I love to share my goings-on with you. It's not a habit, it's a necessity now. LJ has become my sole online socializing space these days. What other online presence I didnt dismantle (Bearciti, BMB) have become simple contact points, and might be eliminated soon anyway.

Lastly, I dont want to go about trimming my friends list or compartmentalizing people into groups. I have already separated most of the communities and feeds into sub-groups to allow only you guys your own place. Still, I get overwhelmed.

In closing, I have a question for those with sizable friends lists. How do you do it? I know many can post from work or use mobile devices to keep in touch, neither of which is an option for me at this time. I already feel as if I am turning my back on a whole bunch of people here, and that is never my intention.

I'm lost.

Well, it's official. Jeff is back to stay, and we are trying our best to integrate all our stuff. Come springtime, though, there will be a big yard sale, and more than a few trips to the dump. And quite a few giveaways, I'm sure.

Time to get life in order, and get on with living. For me, that's going to be a tough road. In less than a month will be Mom's birthday, a week and a day prior will be mine. Mom's bday is going to tear me apart, for sure. Still, it will be a day to celebrate how she lived, and through all she has been through, she lived well. That definitely counts for something.

I dont know how much 'blogging' I will be doing in the upcoming days, it's going to be very busy around here. For the time being I am going to basically keep my big mouth shut (it's getting me into more and more hot water lately, on and offline), but if there's anything of note, I'll be posting. And for sure I'll be reading and perhaps commenting on y'all's entries. That's must-see PC here. You guys 'n' gals make me smile, laugh, think and feel.

Cheers.