It sure enough did get better
Oct. 20th, 2010 11:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greatbearSince I am in no condition to be doing one of those "It Gets Better" videos (hell, one look at me and everyone would think "better" looks pretty damn awful), much less take a photo of myself in a purple shirt, a condensed version of my early life in text format will hafta do.
I was relentlessly harassed through most, if not all of my K-12 years. Oftentimes it was with a twist, since I was an "early bloomer" who grew sooner and matured (read: body and facial hair, pubes, low voice, etc) earlier, a great deal of the teasing of my early years seemed to come from the scrawny punks and decidedly baby-faced bullies who were always trying to see what I "got." Rarely did I fight back, because in just about every instance where I did, it was me who got sent to the principal's office, got the detention, or even the retaliatory slap or punch from the teacher. These kids were playing the victim in every case, the teachers would side with the bad actors and I would have no advocates. The accusations of lying, the complicit actions of a few (but not all, I had my "crew" as well) teachers and generally miserable primary school life showed up in my at-best average performance.
Things did improve somewhat during grades 10, 11, and 12, but not after a run-in with the phys-ed teacher, who wanted someone of my size to help with the football and wrestling teams. But he also played that "testing" card and would not stop the bullying that would be a nearly daily occurrence. I was strong, yes. Very, in fact, but completely uncoordinated with it. Rather than help me, the miserable gym experience, the gay taunting, attacks and such made me refuse to help the school in that way. Once that was in place (I actually got my physical stuff done at a local community center since it was required), a few of the teachers (who also doubled as various coaches) that once had my back turned on me. Science, my top subject, became a nightmare. The algebra teacher/soccer/T&F coach let me fail miserably. I toughed this out for the next few years, knowing I'd be free forever from the cliques, claques, bullies, malcontents and schadenfreude of the school years. And I'd have my comeuppance.
I went on to tech school right after high school, to work toward an electronic engineering degree and to eventually get into the electronics field as my full-time employment. I repaired cars on the side during this time, and also worked in a TV repair shop. I was very adept in electronics before I even set foot in the schools. However, there was that little problem of math that haunted me from my early years, and scared me shitless. However, I had two things going for me. I had a teacher (as well as new friends) that would give me a boost, and, more importantly, I had a means to relate the abstract concepts of math with the solid knowledge I gained entirely on my own in the many years prior. What happened then still freaks me out to this day. In a span of less than a week, everything not only made perfect sense, but I blew past everyone else taking the math classes as well. How? I finally could relate to the concepts, the numbers, and, most importantly, I was in an environment where it was fostered and encouraged. I had done a complete 180 from my previous years. Instead of being the bullied, taunted and forgotten student, I became the top dog in every sense throughout my training years. I never let this go to my head, in fact, I did all I could to help those around me, and our class went on to become the one with the highest graduation rate of any previous! I aced my exams, I got the highest score in the FCC General Class radiotelephone (with ship radar endorsements! lol) out of the classes and also tested perfect (or very close to) in other technical classifications. During a recruitment drive by various employers I landed a spot with Westinghouse Electronic Systems. Of all the positions, the one for Calibration Technician was the one with the highest requirements, and was sought by most of us who toured the facilities. Guess who landed that spot, way back in '82? And to top it off, when there were some openings in our department later on, I helped get some of my friends from that time a place in our lab. Most of us are still in that same place to this day.
Outside of all this newfound confidence, I managed to catch a glimpse into the lives of a few of those who made my life hell. Most of them had miserable lives once outside of school. Their bullying had no place or no effect in the real world, their power was stripped, and they had to make due with life as it was to be. A few had menial labor jobs, a couple went to prison when they thought they could use their old tactics outside the playground, the hallways and the classrooms. And a couple, well, apologized. I don't tend to carry grudges. I didn't need to.
I won.
I was relentlessly harassed through most, if not all of my K-12 years. Oftentimes it was with a twist, since I was an "early bloomer" who grew sooner and matured (read: body and facial hair, pubes, low voice, etc) earlier, a great deal of the teasing of my early years seemed to come from the scrawny punks and decidedly baby-faced bullies who were always trying to see what I "got." Rarely did I fight back, because in just about every instance where I did, it was me who got sent to the principal's office, got the detention, or even the retaliatory slap or punch from the teacher. These kids were playing the victim in every case, the teachers would side with the bad actors and I would have no advocates. The accusations of lying, the complicit actions of a few (but not all, I had my "crew" as well) teachers and generally miserable primary school life showed up in my at-best average performance.
Things did improve somewhat during grades 10, 11, and 12, but not after a run-in with the phys-ed teacher, who wanted someone of my size to help with the football and wrestling teams. But he also played that "testing" card and would not stop the bullying that would be a nearly daily occurrence. I was strong, yes. Very, in fact, but completely uncoordinated with it. Rather than help me, the miserable gym experience, the gay taunting, attacks and such made me refuse to help the school in that way. Once that was in place (I actually got my physical stuff done at a local community center since it was required), a few of the teachers (who also doubled as various coaches) that once had my back turned on me. Science, my top subject, became a nightmare. The algebra teacher/soccer/T&F coach let me fail miserably. I toughed this out for the next few years, knowing I'd be free forever from the cliques, claques, bullies, malcontents and schadenfreude of the school years. And I'd have my comeuppance.
I went on to tech school right after high school, to work toward an electronic engineering degree and to eventually get into the electronics field as my full-time employment. I repaired cars on the side during this time, and also worked in a TV repair shop. I was very adept in electronics before I even set foot in the schools. However, there was that little problem of math that haunted me from my early years, and scared me shitless. However, I had two things going for me. I had a teacher (as well as new friends) that would give me a boost, and, more importantly, I had a means to relate the abstract concepts of math with the solid knowledge I gained entirely on my own in the many years prior. What happened then still freaks me out to this day. In a span of less than a week, everything not only made perfect sense, but I blew past everyone else taking the math classes as well. How? I finally could relate to the concepts, the numbers, and, most importantly, I was in an environment where it was fostered and encouraged. I had done a complete 180 from my previous years. Instead of being the bullied, taunted and forgotten student, I became the top dog in every sense throughout my training years. I never let this go to my head, in fact, I did all I could to help those around me, and our class went on to become the one with the highest graduation rate of any previous! I aced my exams, I got the highest score in the FCC General Class radiotelephone (with ship radar endorsements! lol) out of the classes and also tested perfect (or very close to) in other technical classifications. During a recruitment drive by various employers I landed a spot with Westinghouse Electronic Systems. Of all the positions, the one for Calibration Technician was the one with the highest requirements, and was sought by most of us who toured the facilities. Guess who landed that spot, way back in '82? And to top it off, when there were some openings in our department later on, I helped get some of my friends from that time a place in our lab. Most of us are still in that same place to this day.
Outside of all this newfound confidence, I managed to catch a glimpse into the lives of a few of those who made my life hell. Most of them had miserable lives once outside of school. Their bullying had no place or no effect in the real world, their power was stripped, and they had to make due with life as it was to be. A few had menial labor jobs, a couple went to prison when they thought they could use their old tactics outside the playground, the hallways and the classrooms. And a couple, well, apologized. I don't tend to carry grudges. I didn't need to.
I won.
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no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 04:04 am (UTC)I had no idea that you'd been bullied, too.
There's nothing about you at all that reads "Target Practice."
You really did bloom after high school!
Not only that, but you excelled!
I tried to call you tonight; left a message with my phone no# on it.
I sent an e mail tonight too.
Hope you're getting better and better there with every day.
*ULTRA-HUGS*!!
no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 05:39 am (UTC)I like that.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 06:36 am (UTC)I once got 1 out of 100 at a test. That '1' was for turning up.
I hated the master. I hated his lessons. He was an alcoholic, ex-army closet case who liked to beat boys with his heavy leather brogue. The kind that had small nails in the sole. He broke my nose and blacked my eyes by throwing a blackboard eraser at the boy behind me that I sat up and got in front of. Blood everywhere.
My next math master was charismatic, handsome, patient and kind and many years later became headmaster and my mother's boss as she began working at my old school when I had moved on. I immediately improved under his tutelage and, while never a math genius, passed all exams thereafter.
This master and his wife became friends of my mother and would visit our house. When I was about 16 he and I were lain on the floor at a party my mother was having, both a little drunk on wine, and I had that first mutual erotic connection with a man through the eyes.
Years later my mother 'confessed' to he and his wife that I was gay. He said "Oh, I always knew that". He then went on to say that he was entirely bisexual and, had he not met his wife, would probably have lived happily with another man.
By that time he was a handsome, grey haired, distinguished, pipe smoking pillar of the community. I kind of wished I still lived in the area...
All best wishes for you and a fast recovery.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 07:08 am (UTC)Yay!!! *HUGS*
no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 07:15 am (UTC)I think you're pretty amazing.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 12:48 pm (UTC)Hope you're feeling a lot better in many ways ...
HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 05:59 pm (UTC)I'm glad you posted this. Reading it was a great start to my day. Thank you. I hope you are mending well and and have a swift recovery.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 08:00 pm (UTC)I think all of us can relate on some level to you.
AND I'm so happy you made it :)