Uncertainty of life
Mar. 18th, 2011 01:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greatbearA lot of things have been weighing heavily on my mind, and weighing me down physically as well. I've been quite out of sorts for a while. My appetite is shot; if we go to a restaurant, the vast majority of times I end up bringing at least half of my meal home. At home I barely eat compared to how I used to. This is not entirely bad, since my activity level is also down, I don't need the extra calories making me huge. It's tough for me to be enthused about food, and having a chef as a very significant other, I feel I am doing him an injustice as well.
World events have me down, of course. The disaster in Japan, with continued tragic reports of lost life, the nuclear mess and untold suffering hit me hard. I've had to take steps to limit my intake of bad news not just from Japan, but everywhere. Still my empathic nature makes me feel for the thousands affected.
I am frustrated at the almost stalled progress in recovery from my injuries and surgery. Part of this is due to the medications I had been taking to promote nerve healing, the side effects leave me loopy and slow responding, and I still have problems stumbling and falling on (thankfully lessening) occasions. I still have issues just walking, and if I bump into something or do anything that results in (or would require) sudden motions to keep my balance, I teeter and topple like a top running out of angular momentum to keep it upright. It's frustrating. There are ongoing issues with my ankle and knee as well. A set of stairs, where I used to take two steps at a time in a running gallop before is a burden that required careful use of handrails.
All of this pales, however, in comparison to my dear Jeff. As you know, he suffered a very serious heart attack in December. He bounced back in an incredibly short time, with a near perfect recovery. this is tempered against his workaholic nature and his job requirements that keep him on the go starting at 4am and sometimes not coming home until 12 or more hours later, only to have to do more work at home. Part of this stems from the ongoing delays in getting internet service and connectivity for the systems there, and telephone service. These issues are slowly being rectified, and Jeff has let everyone know that these 15 hour days that intrude on his home life are unacceptable. Time will tell if the concerns will be fully addressed.
But the worst has the potential yet to come. During the various testing done when Jeff had his heart attack, problems were detected with thyroid function. Subsequent tests found large masses on the thyroid, and last week a biopsy was performed to determine if these masses are cancerous or not. We find out next week the results of those tests. Needless to say, both of us have been adrift in a lot of uncertainty and worry. Regardless of the test outcome, surgery will need to be performed. The tests are there to determine if it happens sooner or later, and the course of action. For both of us, it seems that with one happy step forward comes at least one back.
World events have me down, of course. The disaster in Japan, with continued tragic reports of lost life, the nuclear mess and untold suffering hit me hard. I've had to take steps to limit my intake of bad news not just from Japan, but everywhere. Still my empathic nature makes me feel for the thousands affected.
I am frustrated at the almost stalled progress in recovery from my injuries and surgery. Part of this is due to the medications I had been taking to promote nerve healing, the side effects leave me loopy and slow responding, and I still have problems stumbling and falling on (thankfully lessening) occasions. I still have issues just walking, and if I bump into something or do anything that results in (or would require) sudden motions to keep my balance, I teeter and topple like a top running out of angular momentum to keep it upright. It's frustrating. There are ongoing issues with my ankle and knee as well. A set of stairs, where I used to take two steps at a time in a running gallop before is a burden that required careful use of handrails.
All of this pales, however, in comparison to my dear Jeff. As you know, he suffered a very serious heart attack in December. He bounced back in an incredibly short time, with a near perfect recovery. this is tempered against his workaholic nature and his job requirements that keep him on the go starting at 4am and sometimes not coming home until 12 or more hours later, only to have to do more work at home. Part of this stems from the ongoing delays in getting internet service and connectivity for the systems there, and telephone service. These issues are slowly being rectified, and Jeff has let everyone know that these 15 hour days that intrude on his home life are unacceptable. Time will tell if the concerns will be fully addressed.
But the worst has the potential yet to come. During the various testing done when Jeff had his heart attack, problems were detected with thyroid function. Subsequent tests found large masses on the thyroid, and last week a biopsy was performed to determine if these masses are cancerous or not. We find out next week the results of those tests. Needless to say, both of us have been adrift in a lot of uncertainty and worry. Regardless of the test outcome, surgery will need to be performed. The tests are there to determine if it happens sooner or later, and the course of action. For both of us, it seems that with one happy step forward comes at least one back.
