The Manic Mechanic

That old saying that goes "if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all" seems to fit me so well lately. Seemingly unrelated changes to other parts of my body since the back surgery has me a bit more than miffed. In a "good" case, for years after a very nasty sinus infection, my left nostril would be nearly closed up at all times, becoming a high pressure annoyance at times when sleeping unless I used a nasal spray to clear it up on those days it was particularly bothersome. Since the surgery, it's been absolutely clear. How a spinal issue in my lower back becomes essentially a deviated septum is beyond me. I'll take any sort of unintentional victories I can at this point in time. Such celebration seemed short lived, however, after spending a far from insignificant amount of money upgrading my "main" home theater/stereo system in the living room as well as a secondary system I use in my lab for testing as well as pure entertainment purposes (the latter far more often) I have become profoundly deaf in my right ear. I'm hoping this is temporary at best, but if recent history of mine with tinnitus and occasional unbalance is any indication, I am better off listening in mono.

*sigh*

I have been silent in these parts for the past few days since I got home from surgery, and, as I alluded to in the post prior to that one, extended silence means something went wrong. I gave it till the end of this week and I have stabilized, but not in a good way. The surgery did help alleviate the constant numbness and pain that kept me from getting sleep of any quality. Scarring from my previous procedure was removed along with a chunk of herniated disc that broke away and wedged tight against my spinal cord. This was thought to be the cause of all my symptoms including the stabbing sciatic nerve pain shooting down my left leg. After the procedure was done, I basically shook off the anesthesia, performed a self-test for the nurses and doc to make sure things more or less worked, and I was dumped into Jeff's truck for the ride home. I was still achy and stabby and numb, but a lot of that was leftover from the procedure itself.

Or so I thought.

After coming home I found I could not stand upright or use my cane, so I used my POS walker to get into the house, sit down and begin healing. I was back to needing the tool box stack on wheels to get around, but I figured once I got some recovery in, I'd be fine. Crawling into bed that night was a nice surprise, as I was able to finally stretch my legs out with no pain (or far, far less, not entirely pain free) and conk out for a few hours continuously. I discovered soon enough when I woke up that the sciatic nerve pain was indeed still present, and in fact, far worse. I fumed about it for a couple days as it didn't get better, and me being me and assessing situations like I do, I came to a conclusion that I shared with the doc when I called the other day. My "diagnosis" is I actually have two separate injury sites, and only one was actually tended to. By removing the constrictions around my spinal cord, I am freed from the pain the constant pressure was causing, and as a result, the original weakness and numbness was mitigated as well. In simpler terms, the "signal" coming from my lower half is now clearer and without the short circuit that was pinching it off. The problem is, I also have a sciatic nerve pinch closer to my left leg, most likely at the base of the spine well below where this current work was performed. With this new high definition signal path in place, the already excruciating at times stabbing pain has taken on Dolby Digital THX 9.2 channel 3D IMAX proportions. With no attenuator in the signal path, this shit really, really hurts, especially when, if I am in a relaxed position, things are fine. If I stand and let my lower spine begin to take my full upper body weight, instant and excruciating pain. I can actually feel the vertebra stacking against one another right before the pain hits. I asked the doc for a methylpred dose pack once more in an effort to at least knock back the intensity of the pain. It's a long shot, but I'll try anything at the moment. I took the initial round today, if there are any improvements to be had, they will begin to appear in the next few days.

I guess I don't have to say I am one very miserable cuss right now, unable to do much more than lay in bed or sit for short periods in a chair diddlefarting online. Certain motions get me howling in pain, I can't leave the house nor go downstairs or anywhere else the walker or the toolbox stack won't go. I've stumbled and fallen a few times already and the act of catching myself feels as though I'm being attacked with a hatchet to the back, my resulting screams sending the poor dogs under tables and beds or scurrying into far rooms or downstairs. Being totally unable to do anything that normally takes my mind off of things makes me feel like I am in the worst kind of prison. The drugs, pain and inactivity also play hell with my gastrointestinal tract, adding a very directed insult to the injuries I am already beset with. The suffering pooches suffer that much more, as I am completely unable to take them outside much less for a walk, leaving Snickles to whimper knowing he'll only end up crapping in the house. I can let Kodi out on his own, he will do his business and return. Snickles needs to be on a leash, and he likes to do his business far from the house after walking. Jeff does this right after coming home from work, and Snickles, to his credit, seems to be holding it in better than I expected. Both dog's know something is up with me. They are both very appreciative of my return to somewhat normal sleeping, they will stay with me in bed from when Jeff leaves in the morning (between 4-5am) until I might finally get out of bed for good much later, like today at almost noon.

Poor Jeff has tasked himself with taking care of me and, honestly, I truly would be lost without him. He took a bit of time off to take me to and from the surgery and stay with me the following day to make sure I was okay. Work has been very, very busy for him and dealing with me is only a further burden. We were originally going to head to PA this weekend in order to visit his dad, plus mom in the nursing home plus some other things as well as get away from it all. I can't go, obviously, but I insisted he head up tomorrow to see his mom before the holiday, spend needed time with his dad. Dad misses both of us even more these days since mom is no longer at the house. Jeff needs a break away from me more than ever, and I hope the weekend gives him that. He will take Da Snick with him and leave me with the less-of-a-handful Kodi. I will wake up tomorrow (hopefully!) and try to make do with the hand I've been dealt for now.

So what do I think is in my future? I will have to get a new MRI spanning a far more expansive view of my lower back and hip region. The docs will find an impingement site and, due to the scoliosis and advanced disc degeneration, want to fuse a couple if not more of my vertebrae together as a more permanent fix. Anyone who has kept up with my problem here will remember I hurt myself not once, but twice before I was completely incapacitated. The first time probably herniated the disc, causing me the numbness, the second time most likely collapsed my lower spine, making the sciatic nerve pain the worst I ever had. The surgery will be far more invasive, the recovery time quite long, and, most likely, I will be considered permanently disabled at that point. When I had asked my doc for signed paperwork for a handicapped parking placard like I had before, this time he made it out for a permanent (blue) one, rather than the usual red ones I had while I recovered. He knows what I do already, and probably a bit more. I will have to make permanent changes in my life to accommodate this ongoing ordeal, and hope that I can restore at least some of my mobility without pain. Once I know a bit more where I'm headed here, I will file paperwork to apply for disability assistance. I hope to hell I can shake it off and do something real for a living, as it stand now, if I can't do the usual stuff just around here that makes me happy, as varied as it is, there's not much incentive for me to love life anymore. It will just be existing.

Well, I'm off to get knifed in the back. Hopefully this will fix my back issues for good. If you don't hear from me in a day or two, something went wrong.

Wish me luck.

Today I took Jeff to Lutherville for carpal tunnel surgery in his left wrist. The procedure was successful, and surprisingly quick. It was not even 45 minutes before I was led back into the recovery room to see how he was doing, help him fill out paperwork and get dressed. I collected my groggy cub and took him to lunch on the way home. I then took him to get his prescriptions filled and to get some groceries, a stop at the donut shop, then home once again for more doting before I made pizza and salads with ice cream desserts. He's going to be mostly out of commission for several days before being able to return to work. Couple this extended stay at home with his vacation from last week, and he's sure to be sick of seeing my mug and begging for a return to work. ;-)

Once he's fully recovered from the left side surgery, the process gets repeated on the right arm, this time with the ulnar nerve included. I plan on making his life just as it was today when that time comes. I gotta take care of my Jeff, he's all I have.

Once again, Halloween was a bust, with no one coming to beg for candy. This leaves us with a big dish (on legs!) full of unhealthy snacks. Some of these will probably got with Jeff to work, unless a friend of mine that stops by on occasions doesn't dive in first.

A lot of things have been weighing heavily on my mind, and weighing me down physically as well. I've been quite out of sorts for a while. My appetite is shot; if we go to a restaurant, the vast majority of times I end up bringing at least half of my meal home. At home I barely eat compared to how I used to. This is not entirely bad, since my activity level is also down, I don't need the extra calories making me huge. It's tough for me to be enthused about food, and having a chef as a very significant other, I feel I am doing him an injustice as well.

World events have me down, of course. The disaster in Japan, with continued tragic reports of lost life, the nuclear mess and untold suffering hit me hard. I've had to take steps to limit my intake of bad news not just from Japan, but everywhere. Still my empathic nature makes me feel for the thousands affected.

I am frustrated at the almost stalled progress in recovery from my injuries and surgery. Part of this is due to the medications I had been taking to promote nerve healing, the side effects leave me loopy and slow responding, and I still have problems stumbling and falling on (thankfully lessening) occasions. I still have issues just walking, and if I bump into something or do anything that results in (or would require) sudden motions to keep my balance, I teeter and topple like a top running out of angular momentum to keep it upright. It's frustrating. There are ongoing issues with my ankle and knee as well. A set of stairs, where I used to take two steps at a time in a running gallop before is a burden that required careful use of handrails.

All of this pales, however, in comparison to my dear Jeff. As you know, he suffered a very serious heart attack in December. He bounced back in an incredibly short time, with a near perfect recovery. this is tempered against his workaholic nature and his job requirements that keep him on the go starting at 4am and sometimes not coming home until 12 or more hours later, only to have to do more work at home. Part of this stems from the ongoing delays in getting internet service and connectivity for the systems there, and telephone service. These issues are slowly being rectified, and Jeff has let everyone know that these 15 hour days that intrude on his home life are unacceptable. Time will tell if the concerns will be fully addressed.

But the worst has the potential yet to come. During the various testing done when Jeff had his heart attack, problems were detected with thyroid function. Subsequent tests found large masses on the thyroid, and last week a biopsy was performed to determine if these masses are cancerous or not. We find out next week the results of those tests. Needless to say, both of us have been adrift in a lot of uncertainty and worry. Regardless of the test outcome, surgery will need to be performed. The tests are there to determine if it happens sooner or later, and the course of action. For both of us, it seems that with one happy step forward comes at least one back.

I guess I've been lax at updating things here. I can only sit for so long at the controls here at The Orbiting Headquarters of Mayhem, and going mobile with the nuclear football little lappy is no fun. Anyhoo:

I have dispensed with the walker, I can move about the house normally (albeit slowly) and I can go up and down the stairs with no trouble. Walking for any sort of distance, however, I still need the cane, just in case. Standing no longer produces the slow fire of pain down my buttocks and around my legs, which is excellent. This means the operation was a success in opening up the spinal canal and eliminating the spinal stenosis condition. This gets a major woot. However, there are some complications, most of which have been slowly improving. The pain I feel at the incision/site is getting more bearable, but sitting for any length of time eventually becomes extremely uncomfortable. The necessary pain killers make me feel loopy and drugged, which is to be expected. However, they do their job, and as a side benefit, I have The. Most. Intense. Dreams. Ever. Seriously. Lucasfilm should be able to come up with visuals even close to what I sometimes produce in my sleep. The best so far have been a combination of steampunk and gritty turn-of-the-century steelmill and factory imagery complete with deafening sound, strange characters and all sorts of action. The kicker is the entire scene which played out like an enormous steel town at full production was taking place inside of my body as it was healing from the surgery. Impossible to describe, but how I wish dreams had reruns. X-D

The worst so far involves my legs. From the knees down and ending most intensely at my feet, I have pretty severe numbness. I was told that because of the way my spinal cord was constrained in the bony sections of the vertebrae and one ruptured disc had dug into the spinal cord, there was nerve damage that will take quite a while to regenerate, and that things may not return to completely normal levels. This is upsetting, but I'm willing to let time take its course. Very little has changed since the operation as far as this goes. Patience, patience.

I'm also slowly disappearing. On the scale this morning, I weighed a mere 213 pounds. I don't mind the weight loss while I recover, but I know that over time, a lot of what I lost was muscle mass, especially in my legs. Pants that used to fit snug in the thighs and calves flap around on me like a scarecrow outfit. Once I am (hopefully) back to normal (whatever that is!), I can resume things that kept me beefy over the years.

Lastly, but very important: Thanks bunches to all who sent cards, messages, texts and phone calls while I've been out of commission. You guys 'n' gals are the bestest. So many kind thoughts from unexpected places made taking the entire lack of contact from the expected sources much easier to handle. It's therapy of the most awesome kind.

Tomorrow Jeff and I are going to attempt to celebrate our tenth anniversary together. Time sure flies when we're having fun. Or surgery. ;)