The Manic Mechanic

Actually, it has been a bit over a month now since I wrecked my back, and my life has been as miserable as you'd expect. Honestly, this has been the worst "suffering" I've had to deal with regarding a health problem. The levels of pain have been on par with the bout with severe diverticulitis that became a serious case of peritonitis which came close to killing me. That ordeal only had me in extreme pain for about a week. Even when I was in a car accident that busted up my shoulder and left me with a permanently detached collarbone was easier to deal with. I've spent the entire time unable to sleep in a bed, I sleep sitting in a chair with a small table (or, more often, my keyboard drawer, thankfully I had made it "industrial strength") with my face buried in a pillow or sofa cushion. I wake up from increasing pain as the drugs wear off. If I have the misfortune of putting myself in a bad position while asleep, the pain makes me groan and cuss. I tried a couple times to lay in bed after I had an epidural injection into my spine thinking it might be doable. I woke up in such searing pain I nearly blacked out. I could almost put all that aside if it weren't for the fact that I am basically unable to do anything to take my mind off of it all. I need a walker to move about the house, and two canes the few times I went out with Jeff to the various doctors. The walker is to wide and cumbersome to easily move around the house, so instead I am using a dolly that has five stacked and connected power tool cases. It's narrower, and I can use it to cart things around, and the weight of everything (maybe 80 pounds) gives me a bit of resistance that helps my legs. I guess it fits my character a bit better too. If I stand, I make Quasimodo look like a model of good posture, gait and stance. Walking without any support is impossible.

Those who know me well are quite aware of my apparent need to constantly build, fix, examine, design and tinker with things. The fact this injury has all but stripped me of the ability to do these things is tantamount to cruelty and torture. Yes, there are chores and tasks needing attention, but I am unable to do a lot of the cool and fun projects and such I had in the works. With little more than the computer to keep me entertained, I peruse my various forums when I am lucid, and I spent far too much time dreaming up new ideas as well as collecting thoughts on current stuff. I also discovered that popping over a dozen pills a day including narcotic pain relievers fogs my judgement as evidenced by the purchase of yet another high-zoot home theater receiver to redo the big setup in the living room. I can at least take some comfort (and distraction) as I integrate this new unit and be able to watch movies in style once again. that is, until the required drugs kick in and I fall into a near narcoleptic sleep wherever I might be.

I have a doctor visit tomorrow to discuss the next course of action, which will involve more surgery on my spine. I suffer now from degenerative disc disease, and moderate to severe scoliosis. The real problem at the moment is due to a herniated disc once again compressing the spinal nerves, along with a "free fragment" of that disc separating and digging hard into the nerves. This is worse than the original problem I had with the spinal stenosis which slowly over time constricted the nerves and left me with pretty severe sciatic nerve pain. At least back then I could get relief laying down, or, oddly, sitting cross-legged on the ground. This time it's just sheer hell with no relief in sight for who knows how long. To add more insult to injuries, this doesn't take into account my Jenga'd vertebrae which will will undoubtedly be a source of future problems, which most likely will involve metal plates and screws and bone fusion. Right now, I am fortunate to have Jeff to help me with daily life and trips to the hospital and doctors. I am just so sorry I get him awake in the middle of the night so often when I end up screaming from the pain.

I have a lot on my mind considering the future. This might end up being a permanent disability, one that will require lots of rethinking and changes. I'm trying not to let that absorb me too much, it's too depressing. In the meantime, I am trying to stay as positive as I can. Wish me luck.

Edit: I want to thank everyone who has left me well wishes and good thoughts. Sorry I haven't gotten back to thank everyone personally, writing my thoughts out online has been an exercise in futility and lots of misspellings and goofy grammar. Drugs are bad, mmkay...

Here's a cute little song by British transplant Cosmo Jarvis called, "Gay Pirates" that's guaranteed to bring a smile to your face. Why am I posting this? Because it's my blog, and I'll post if I want to.

In other news, I fell asleep inside the MRI machine today while they studied my defective knee. This only extends the proof that I can fall asleep just about anywhere. I woke up craving something with bacon on or in it, the reason being is on the bottom floor corner of the medical professional building there is a deli. This deli is also connected on the interior of the building as well, and they often have their inside door open. The entire building will smell like bacon most days. This includes the ortho/sports medicine department that know me so well, the adjoining physical therapy outfit, and even all the way to the fourth floor operating rooms. Yes, you can have a medical procedure done while the room smells of food, rather than antiseptic and medicine and such. These are the areas and floors I've been on, I can assume the (mostly bacon) smell permeates the other floors as well. I almost never cease to bring this up with my doctors. The ones wearing yarmulkes and turbans, at that. That's me, being sacred and kosher and all. =D

Speaking of sleep, the other day I took an afternoon nap. Jeff has the new flannel sheets I got him for xmas on the bed, as well as several blankets, a comforter and a very old quilt made by his grandmother that is about as heavy as a lead x-ray shielding blanket. After a night with no sleep, a lousy morning of pain and discomfort, I finally felt that I could get some sleep, albeit during the day when I should be doing something constructive. Sure enough, once I pulled the 50 pounds of covers over me, I was comatose. I eventually woke up hours later, as warm as a freshly started nuclear reactor, numb from the sleep paralysis, completely at ease. Well, except for a need to hit the bathroom. I discover trying to move is even tougher than I thought, and find out the reason for this is while laying face down on my belly, both the cat and the dog stationed themselves on top of me as well. That had to be the soundest sleep I had in a long time. I had some strange dreams, but forgot them. Both Jeff and I have been recipients of the dual four-legged blankets. Now if I can only get the two of them to behave, if not actually like each other.

I've been keeping myself busy with all sorts of different things. I can't do anything requiring any lifting, contorting, or lots of standing. To that end I've been continuing to make flurries of little (and not so little) upgrades and repairs around the house and garage. LED upgrades to the kitchen lighting for the fixtures that are not on dimmers turned out well. For the dimmable fixtures, not so much. Dimmable fluorescent and LED retrofit lamps are a mixed bag. The problem is that LED and CFL lamps draw so little current compared to their incandescent counterparts, and do so in a very nonlinear manner, that most dimmers cannot provide a smoothly adjusted source of power to the fixtures. The lights flicker, flash or are impossible to set. I even bought a dimmer made especially for LED and CFL lamps and got the same result. Back to the drawing board.

While I've not been able to make use of the vast majority of tools and equipment while laid up, I've been taking the time to disassemble, clean and lube everything that has moving parts. This means anything from ratchets to power tools to the outdoor power equipment. I did most of the latter during the summer. The smaller stuff has been my undertaking usually in the evening when I need some quiet time. I've made it maybe through half of the stuff, and I've been at it for months. I knew I had a lot of tools and equipment, but interacting with it in this manner really makes me realize not only how much of the stuff I have, but how long I've been at the various endeavors that utilize them. A good majority of my tools and equipment are over 20 years old. Some are even older than me, being handed down to me or picked up at auctions, sales and such. I have thought about how much work I've done over the decades using those tools, and wonder what will become of them once I am no longer. I just hope that someone makes as good a use of them as I have.