Social (?) media

[greatbear]

Okay then. Yeah, it's been a bit over three months since I last visited this space. Life became very busy, and I minimized my online dalliances as I often do when I shift focus into things needing lots of physical and mental effort, as well as applied time. I did try to visit the ol' friends list and comment here and there, but even that took a back seat further down the aisle. After a while I noticed something, quite different from years past.

Nothing.

Where there was once a peripheral exchange of emails, messages, phone calls or other keep-in-touch forms of communication outside the sphere of LJ (and Facebook, for that matter), instead there was practically nothing. Exactly one person asked if everything was okay, etc. after a couple months had gone by. I measured this against my original hesitation (in the halcyon dialup days of internet communication in the early-mid 90s) to use the medium in a personal sense to make friends and how incredibly life-changing that decision had been. Perhaps it was the newness, the novelty of instant communications spared from the constraints of time and distance that drew people together and facilitated the interaction, which so often culminated in people traveling hundred or thousands of miles to finally meet in person those friends they had made online. It was wonderful. It's how I met Jeff, and our relationship is strong a dozen years later. Over time, though, it seemed that the interests in such meetings on a grand scale kinda dissipated, but the online interactions remained pretty strong. Now even this seems to be petering out as well, and I'm mostly at a loss to figure out any particular reason(s) for it. Like that old saying goes, it was fun while it lasted.

I tried for a short time to revisit Facebook for a while. Despite some solid communication with long lost folks there, the prospect of constantly battling with how that service is run and the near perfect record of changes hostile to privacy and control of information along with the sheer bulk of commercial interests oozing in every nook and cranny pushed me back out again. LJ, my last haven, seems to have gotten so balkanized and a bit deserted. Had I started off this post with "Hey, I'm back" or similar, I would have been chided by some as if I was breaking some unwritten rule. There could even have been some unfriendings.

I suppose it all boils down to things more or less coming full circle for me. I started off kept to myself, a loner in life. I discovered a means of communication that worked well with my personality, and I had ended up with a lot of friends, many similar to me as far as how they use online interactions as a preface to making real-life friendships that last. It's not a perfect system, we are all human, of course. I do know for sure that in the near 20 years I have sat at various keyboards and screens making friends with people all over the world I am forever changed for the better. Now as I enter my fogey years, I can feel comfortable with the manageable circle of friends I have made online as well as those predating the "cyber" era. I also need to come to grips that, in some aspects of life, I am pretty much that original loner I started off being all those decades ago. Sometimes I am totally alone in some of life's situations, despite having varying "levels" of friends, and an ever decreasing group of loved ones. I just don't want to end up like some I have seen recently, seemingly abandoned in nursing homes with not much more than a paid staff for company.

I don't intend to pull the plug on this here LJ, at least not anytime soon. Despite all the faults of the service and folks jumping ship, what remains, at least for me, is a nicely sized group of interesting people, I might not say much anymore, but I am watching. Thanks for being there.

Comments

[holy13nation.livejournal.com]

There is no unwritten rule about the 'Hey, I'm back...' scenario, it is just that some people did frame it in a slightly obnoxious manner. A "You all still here, that's kind of lame..." context. Then launched into a spiel about how LJ is over/tired/so last year etc.
Or, they literally said "Hey, I'm back" and nothing else. Some of those posts were, if not rude, unnecessarily patronising.
However, all things change and very little lasts forever.
LJ demands more of people because decent posts can be lengthy and take time and thought to compose. Most people have neither the time nor the inclination anymore it seems. Ironically, I find Twitter useful but as a link to random, interesting articles I would never otherwise discover as I follow many literary review magazines and art sites.
The other aspect to it...people simply mentioning people to garner followers I find bizarre and infantile. Infantilism being a danger of social media simply because a format that encourages minimal input and fast return will foster that.
Or, as in the case of FB, banality.

I don't think any social media is a way of making friends.
You make connections that can be an avenue to friendship perhaps.

[tonethbone.livejournal.com]

Facebook and Tiwtter have no "heart"..You are expected to write and produce material each and every day...and you are only as good as your last entry. It is definitely not a lace to make friends...unless the friendship is based on "hot pictures" or stuff like that

Blogging is different...People actually take time to show concern for others and to root for others and to remember what is going on in the lives of others. And they get together and meert

It is a communtiy of sorts

I too feel like "Hey I'm back" and "is anyone here?" and other such posts are insulting to those who try to keep this site going. And the "LJ is dying" people...I delete them the same way I would evict someone from my house...for trying to demoralize those who DO like to blog

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I always felt socially awkward around people until I got to know them, even though people who introduced themselves to me in that way insisted otherwise. Since this was something I could never reconcile in my head, I found the initial contacts with folks online to be an almost addicting means to get to know people. Was a nice bonus that the folks I would talk to were much like me in their initial trepidation. It evaporated with the cyber insulation, people opened up, I got to know more about them in a week of sporadic conversation online than I knew of coworkers I worked alongside for years. When the day would come I'd meet that person face to face for the first time, it was like reconnecting with a long lost friend at the same time meeting a new face. I made lots of real friends by opening the door to friendship online first. I also met more than a couple partners this way as well, Jeff being one. Over time I found people would interact less and be more drawn to the FB/Twitter realm of snippet broadcasting over thoughtful online chat or blog posting. How counterproductive. Then as you say the fetish for collecting as many online "friends" or followers is ultimately destructive and isolating. Quality trumps quantity each and every time.

I've always had a rough time writing about myself.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

I think it's what I ranted about in 2006 as Twitter raged through all my podcasting friends, turning me into a sort of social media widow in those spheres. Eventually I gave up and joined in, there and on Facebook.

But I was right; what Social Media gives is an illusion of friendship, an illusion of being there, that a 'like' or a birthday wishes is somehow a replacement for the real thing. It isn't, but it's surprising how many people 'keep up' with my blog, Twitter, FB, LJ but rarely say a thing or meet me in real life - people nearby. Friends I hardly ever see...although that's not just FB, Kirk is on neither AFAIK at my suggestion (I don't think there's much to be had for him or anyone) but I see him hardly anymore.

Really alienation in a nutshell - all these people I suspect alone in the social media crowd pretending to be happy and humble bragging themselves to death. So 'busy' doing absolutely nothing. Interestingly I see/know more about friends who have moved to Norway than ones down the road...maybe that's the future, a widespread diaspora of people who only interact online and it doesn't matter where you are? I may as well be in another country...

I prefer the old way, tbh.

[holy13nation.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm always up for a meet but kind of assume you are not as keen on the pubs as I am.
And you are someone I did meet through LJ.
So, any time you want to...just yell.

Twitter I can't fathom as a social aid because I only look at it once every now and then and should someone have replied to a tweet or done anything other than send a direct message I will most likely have missed it. I use it, as I said above, for what you suggested it was good for. I follow literary review/art/current sites or magazines and so get to come across different and unexpected articles pretty well every day. Ones I would hardly ever see otherwise.
But sod it as a way of keeping in touch with anyone.

Personally, I am happy and certainly not alienated. But busy. With own projects and study and also the volunteering ( some of which I have kept quiet about ).
Add to that massively social times when we are in Brighton and I'd say it's all pretty overwhelming.
I post to LJ when I have time. I tend to do some long-ish posts so don't always get the chance to do them justice - so hold off.

The old way for me was not seeing friends I didn't work with for long periods of time...and then catching up.
I really do not want a daily bloody update on what my friends are doing. I'm not interested. That's why I hated FB.

I still find it interesting to hear about people on here. But I don't expect anything from them.

At least there's less idiot drama...

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

Yes Twitter is good for that, I tend to use it more as a news service than a social thing, or only to keep contact with a few friends

And the Facebook Groups seem to have replaced the forum, and some good ones of those. But yeah I never recommend it for the social side. Like you say, people already know what you do, so why meet up? I've tried not posting, but weirdly rather than people going 'oh what's Tim doing?' it seems to be you drop off their radar completely, with a few exceptions.

I love pubs! I always feel guilty about dragging people out and getting them drunk though ;-)

[teddyb.livejournal.com]

Phil, I am always glad to read hat you write, regardless of how much or how often you post.

It is good to see you, man!

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Well, I thank you. I'm lazy with this thing, and I'm not really one to write stuff just for the sake of it. What might be mundane and nothing to me might be of interest to other people, but I never think of it that way. I should do more writing for the heck of it I guess. Throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks? lol

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Similar observations here, though you articulated yours well-er than summah mine...

Same general, not giving up but having a fuller understanding of what it was and was not.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Given the alternatives, LJ is the most valuable alternative, so I'm not going anywhere People today are busier than ever, but I've noticed they are still checking in around here despite not commenting or posting. I'm one of those for sure.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

After 8 years, I am experiencing LJ fatigue. I don't write as frequently as I used to; I just don't have the time or energy. I am overcoming all of the health challenges I've had in the past year, have two parents in a hospital in Texas and my job is crazy busy. I feel like a broken record.

I'm sorry that I haven't reached out more. Several people, to whom I looked forward to their comments, have disappeared recently; but even on the quiet days, LJ works much better for me than Facebook. It's this site or I'm gone from the internet. I hope you'll continue to reach out to your friends here.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

The health thing is a kick in the head, for sure. I don't like posting about it myself, I don't submit for sympathy, or want to appear like some kind of hypochondriac talking about aches and pains and injuries all the time. It's meant to be part of the periodic news here, if that. I tried to return to FB for a bit, all I was really doing was hitting "Like" 90% or more of the time, all the while dodging the ads and trying to hide from all the apps and garbage that exist only to mine for personal info. I could not hack that crap, even if there are a few there who actually use the service much the same as (some of them had) LJ.

I see you and others posting so much that mirrors what I relate to, there's an apparent fine line between sharing similar stories/experiences and coming across as boasting or me-tooism, some people can't tell one from the other so I refrain just in case.

I doubt I will move to other venues if this space eventually folds or becomes unusable. In the meantime, I am content to watch from my little window and appreciate what I see. :)

[eric-mathgeek.livejournal.com]

Always good to hear from you.

I've never been one for having too many people to keep up with. I guess I've been fortunate that many of my friends still post here -- although I also have Google+, which has many of the same folks and is a bit more active. I don't always think to check LJ a few times a day like I used to. Still, I'm here, and although I don't post as often either (I think I went a whole month without more than a drive-by or two) I haven't given up.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I go for quality over quantity of friends here. The early days of my LJ dalliances were filled with memes and shallow postings among the meatier stuff, over time the fluff distilled out and the place, even though quieter, was much more satisfying. A shame that many have abandoned this, though some do peer in nostalgic for the old days. I say get in here and make those good times happen again.

I will try to make more of an effort to post.

I was hoping to run across you in PTown. Maybe next time. ;)

[dendren.livejournal.com]

"I also need to come to grips that, in some aspects of life, I am pretty much that original loner I started off being all those decades ago. Sometimes I am totally alone in some of life's situations, despite having varying "levels" of friends, and an ever decreasing group of loved ones. I just don't want to end up like some I have seen recently, seemingly abandoned in nursing homes with not much more than a paid staff for company."

OMG, this strikes SUCH a chord with me. LJ truly changed my life and has brought me into a social atmosphere I've never really had, but all good things and all that. Despite being a loner most of my life, one of my greatest fears is being alone especially as I get older. It's quite a quandry :P

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I told Jeff I would rather jump off a bridge than spend my waning days alone in a home. Having had a taste of incapacity I would absolutely freakout having it as a permanent state.

[tinman11201.livejournal.com]

I hear you. I'm still here reading my friend's posts, but I don't post much on here anymore and no one noticed when I stopped, either.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I noticed. ;)

What about Dreamwidth?

[franklanguage.livejournal.com]

Dreamwidth is kind of a parallel LJ universe, but run by people who give a damn about their users.

I'm finding it hard to get started there, which is why I haven't left LJ, but I do crosspost my entries between there and LJ because I have several friends there who are also on LJ.

LJ is a sinking ship and I'm expecting it to not be there eventually; it's lasted longer than any of my other internet things so far, so I can't complain.

Re: What about Dreamwidth?

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I've had a DW account for a while now, but I was constantly plagued with issues trying to copy my LJ entries over, so I put it aside. I might try again to import the entries and see if there is success.

[ricksf.livejournal.com]

Amen to that. I've promised myself time and again to get back into the LJ posting habit (I love to write) but have not made it happen. The bottom line for me seems to be that I write for myself. If others enjoy it, so much the better.

We've never met, tis true. But I hope to change that one day soon. Coffee's on me!

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I rarely want to write for myself, that's one of my quandaries. I'm never sure too what others might enjoy reading. I have odd tastes, hobbies not so mainstream, etc., so the audience could be there or not.

Since you have the coffee covered, I'll get the danish. ;)

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

I have a habit I haven't been able to shake where my mind defaults to "if they're not posting on LJ, it's just because their life is busy; they'll get to it eventually" - which means it simply doesn't occur to me to ask someone why they haven't said anything recently.

I'm sorry if this comes across as indifferent and neglectful; I am very sensitive - perhaps overly so - about being intrusive into the lives of people I know.

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

I'm in a similar camp. I think there is a chunk of (semi)introverts who are very sensitive (and totally OK with) folks just taking some time away to be alone and do other things, as we do it ourselves. The last thing we want to be is a nag, even if we are thinking about/wondering how our friends are.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I used to make trading post entries that ask open-ended questions like "how is everyone" or"what are your favorite songs of the moment" and other somesuch to break the ice (or stagnant algae, as it were) to stir up conversation. LJ has stymied my past attempts of posting music coming from my own domain, nothing shows when I used their embed code unless I use some major host like YouTube, so my semi-private means of sharing music with the LJ peeps is gone too. I miss that a lot, it was a nice way of fostering dialogs.

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

Indeed, LJ's semi-closed garden of sharing prompted me to just make my own blog, although that too has become moribund. I need to fix that, as I have some ideas I want to put down.

It's a toss-up though. Freedom to post in the way that I want with no community, or post to a community with a very limiting post format. It's tough.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I'm the exact same way. I do know lot of people are busy with aspects of life. I waffle between saying something and patiently waiting out of courtesy. I honestly care, I just won't be a busybody.

[putzmeisterbear.livejournal.com]

I left for a bit but came back. I don't post nearly as often as I once did but LJ has become a comfortable place to post things that I want have access to later. Like a diary/scrapbook and to share experiences with friends. I still read my friends everyday though.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Nothing has come close to replacing LJ (and my part of its community), so here is the only place I feel comfortable the way you are. Glad to see your posts and hope they will continue!

[maxauburn.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid that, I, myself am likely to
become a semi-irregular poster, unless I
watch myself on this.

I bought my very first computer just over 13 years ago, in late September of 1999 for ONE reason and one reason only:

I was very,lonely, and was determined to find a man through the use of the internet.

I was very naive, of course.

I actually thought I would find someone with 3 days of getting online!

I had no way of knowing it would take 12 and a half years to find Earl!

But now, I've lost a big part of the motivation to be online as much.

I was always a loner, Phil, from day one of kindergarten.

I have been fortunate to have had 17 years with George.

I attach myself to ONE real friend at a time, and no others. It's just how I am.

I did have several great friends during my final year of college, though.

It would be fantastic if ALL my LJ friends and I lived in the same city!

But that is just a fantasy.

I have been too uncomfortable with myself to be in a large group of friends
type of setting.

This seems to be changing gradually, as I struggle to become the kind of person that Earl, and my cat, Charlie, would be more able to relate to.

This is also for my mom, whom I know is weary of seeing me sad most of the time.

I do this for them-and I do this for me.

It is not easy to block out or eliminate
the negative thought patterns that I have allowed to exist in my head since I can remember.

I am finally at a point in my life where I am tired of who I am, and have sufficient energy, maturity, and motivation to change.

They say things happen in their own time
and not a moment sooner.

I know in my heart I am ready for a relationship now, though I wasn't just two years ago.

I am telling you of my own struggle because I know that, at least to a degree, you can relate.

I am now able to stand being alone with myself, and it is said that you must be able to like & love yourself before you can truly like & love another.

I wish I had gotten to this point MANY years ago.

I realize I am slow, painfully so-but I get there. :)


You post when you can.

I will read and respond to your entries,
as always.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Jerry, you've used LJ as a means to make new friends and keep in touch with them, not to mention as a way to confront the bad stuff in your life. You've definitely become a better man as a result, it definitely shows. I hope you keep up the pace. :)

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

'I am finally at a point in my life where I am tired of who I am, and have sufficient energy, maturity, and motivation to change.'

I am going through something similar to this at the moment, having spent far too much of my 30s in a deep dark sort of funk or lost state, not knowing where to go, used to analysing every move.

I've recently realised it doesn't matter as long as I *go*. And if that destination isn't right, I do another....but sitting brooding does not help. It seems really obvious when i write this, but not so obvious when you're there and thinking 'wtf next?'.

Good news about Earl, I'm happy for you ;-)

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Sorry, just now seeing this. I am a loner to a point, but I do also need to socialize, but in recent years, do little of that.

This online presence is still fantastic, but it's been overrun by way too much data, most of it not of quality, and I see a lot of people being data'd out, so to speak, and have lost the art of "true" communication these days.

But glad you are back, and still with us. Some of us have been dealing with personal stuff of late, and that means, reaching out has been put on the back burner while we try to stay afloat ourselves.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

You have always done a good job of keeping people informed on things going on in your life, and I see there is a lot going on now. Good luck on the move and all it entails. A new town has the possibilities for new friends and situations too.

All the best!

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Right now, a move outside of Seattle isn't in the cards, but maybe a different 'hood will be though.

Thanks dear.

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

To begin with, seeing any friend, especially one as intelligent and dimensional as you, returning to LJ is cause for celebration! I do understand the loner bit (story of my life), but in my experience LJ has opened a window on the world I never had before.

Yeah, it did have that novelty aura in earlier years (I started in the fall of 2006), and then too it could get to be sort of an insistent merry-go-round twirling faster and faster. Yet, from what I've heard about the Facebook & Tweeting experience, LJ has a genuine humanity that the other programs lack....or maybe its that Facebook tends to smack too much of desperation.
I've always tended to be reserved rather than mr. popularity, and I value a few friends I can communicate with honestly rather than to have loads of 'followers'.
Anyway, no pressure - read or post whenever you are so moved ....just mighty glad to see you again in this little outpost of the vast cyber world!

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

It's a ton of fun seeing the genuine acts you perform for people you never met (like me) with your birthday cards, I tell a lot of my friends how you do this and that it brightens the recipient's day not to mention those around at the time. Small acts of kindness are appreciated well outside the intended audiences, and should be the order of the day.

I guess I have to be reminded on occasions of what a valuable thing I have going here. Priceless, in fact.

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

*blush* ... I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind and generous feedback. I often forget that whatever I come up with reaches a wider audience than the immediate commentary would indicate - it's nice to be reminded....thank you !
For me the cards are sort of like lifting free-weights ...a way of staying in shape with my pencil ;0)

[mikiedoggie.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you have come back, even if you don't post much.

I really wish more people would return to Livejournal. There isn't anywhere near the level of interaction on here as there was five years ago. I do think that substantively, the interactions here have a lot more depth.

I would like to think people wouldn't unfriend you simply because you've not had a presence here for a bit.

Hope you are doing well! [hugs]

[mort-83.livejournal.com]

I prefer LJ to anything else. I too, hadn't posted much lately, and hadn't read much---trying to make it my habit again. I miss it.

And I have met some great people on here.