On leaving LJ and staying a while longer

[greatbear]

Earlier in the week I pulled the plug on my LJ. I had mostly run out of uses for this, and, to be honest, no longer felt the need to have an outlet for what I would call "personal" matters and discussion with the internet in general. It has been about 20 years (!) since I had ventured out onto the internet in a personal capacity, rather than a technical/professional way for work reasons. It took a lot of courage on my part to make that change, and it wasn't long before I was pouring my heart into online interactions, making literally hundreds of friends along the way, even enjoying a bit of both figurative and literal rock star status along the way. I soon learned that much of this was fleeting, with the vast majority of people eventually moving on, leaving what I thought was some incredible friendships, relationships and great causes to founder and die. Perhaps it was the value I had placed in these relationships, or my investment in them, emotionally, mentally and physically, that left me not only disappointed but also feeling left behind once they had evaporated. It took a while, because for the 32 years prior I had been very much a loner until that time, but I learned to reconsider the experience as more of a crucible, or distillery that helped to separate out the fleeting and leaving the best behind. Maybe more like how maple syrup is made I suppose, where it takes a great deal of sap to be carefully boiled until the sweet syrup remains. What came out of these hundreds of fun (for the most part) interactions and countless good (with a bit of bad) memories is a sparkling core of truly great friends, that to this day still amaze me with some of their actions. I sought to leave my online world as I had formed to to simply concentrate on the product from it. After a couple days (I bet you didn't even notice) I switched this back on, not so much as a continuing place for me to pile my thoughts, but for the few remaining people I know and love who remain here. Without my LJ being active, I had no way to interact with y'all. My analogy is this is like a small town of bygone days where people would run into one another while out and about, or take the time to walk from house to house to say hello and talk over the fence. I guess I can't board up my place yet still remain neighborly, given how this system is set up.

This is not the Livejournal I set up shop in over ten years ago. Like so many other online "spaces" in the past, what began for me as a thriving community has become rather barren. Those who remain, however, and still making great use of the medium, and maintaining fantastic connections. What skeeves me these days is the reduction in quality of the service, the politics of the Russian owners and general disregard for the stateside users that really made the community what it is. The latest technical hell here is the never completing page loads. Sure, the pages seem to render properly and mostly stuff works, but some connections never complete, with the page loading indicator spinning away. This is often a sign of bad server configurations, and sometimes of a more dangerous nature, with open connections lying in wait for malware or other bad mojo. This has been going on for a few weeks now on my end, regardless of what computer or connection I access the site with. Aargh. Oh well, the neighborhood falls apart even more, the landowners letting the place fall apart around the remaining denizens.

I will keep my door open for a little while longer, I guess, at least until the wedding and a bit after. Then, well, we'll see. These days I am busy with as much as my day can hold, trying to get the house and yard fixed up, putting the final touches on a huge network upgrade to accommodate new home security and automation now and be usable into the foreseeable future. La Casa Mayhem is my only true home, I built it with my hands as well as a lot of outside help, and I plan on living the rest of my years here. As my health has taken several downturns in recent years, I now have a sense of urgency to get lots of things done while I am still able to do them in order to be able to have some years later to relax and simply enjoy the spoils of all that labor and thought. I am lucky to be able to (sometimes barely) be able to get around, and I am measuring my time wisely. With the wedding coming up in less three months (!) now, I gotta kick it into high gear. I am overlapping projects to my best advantage. I will be redoing the entryway to the house, with a new front door, paint, floor, lighting, landscaping, and more. I am sitting here configuring and testing security cameras I will be installing while I crawl around doing these other upgrades. Several hundred more feet of network cabling has to be installed too, and I am pleased with how this all is shaping up. In the spirit of the days past, here's a photo of the goings-on as I test one of the cameras down in the Underground Concrete Bunker before I finally get it put where it belongs on the outside.



I just hope my creaky old body holds up as I do all this work, if not, I am truly screwed. Our little wedding is shaping up to be a big deal. Certainly it's the most important day of my life in decades. I can only hope all turns out as we are working and planning it out to be.

Seeyas 'round.

Comments

[redmoonriver.livejournal.com]

I wish I could make it to your wedding. Sadly, I don't think that will be in the cards for me. :'(

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

You'll be there in spirit. ;)

[mister-don.livejournal.com]

I'm still reading daily, but after ten years here and now watching it dwindle away, do not feel much like posting anymore.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I am finding it more of a pointless exercise at times. Granted, if I know for sure I wasn't mostly talking to myself, I'd post more. Every now and then I get the urge to share and I begin the motions and then stop. Other times, like now, it happens. I still read everyone's entries, I don't filter like some do. I sincerely miss the old days.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Phil,

You know I'm here, posting, some days more than once, but still posting, giving the few who still are active here something to read, even if nothing huge and profound, but it IS documenting my big change as it develops.

I'm actually up early this morning as I have for the past couple of weeks or so by 6am, needing to pee, and then just getting up for good as I get on with things important. I know I can always snag a nap later in the afternoon if need be.

To be honest, I'm ready to do more than just merely journal, but to actually blog, so need to contact GoDaddy and see if the two references to my domain, one set up as a host (it asked for it when I first signed up, but didn't see if there was a distinction of it being off site, or not), and another reference to it as off site and if that is causing problems (at least in part) why I can't access my domain at A2Hosting (my registrar).

Because it'll be documenting home repairs, decorating etc, hopefully I can find a small single family residence, and not a condo to document.

Anyway, looks like you are enjoying your geeky toys, and that is what it's all about. I'm hoping to bring art, and such back into my life in the new place in a big way.

Good luck on prepping for the wedding, but doubt I'll be able to make it myself as I may be moving, if not settling in around that time.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Yep, you are one of the few remaining prolific posters, and I read every post, and I know I should comment more. I actually made the preparations to be an independent blogger myself, bought a domain name and everything, but life suddenly changed for the worst and I put it on hold, if not scrapped the idea entirely by now. I might simply point the URL to my home servers once I finish up the last round of upgrades and use it as a personal site instead.

I'm looking forward to your big move!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, I am glad ... relieved ... grateful ... whatever word applies ... that you came back. I don't have your eloquence, but I would sorely miss you here and our interactions. Your occasional responses to my posts are valued, especially as I work my way through grieving for my parents. You've made many remarks that got through to me and helped, showed me that someone truly does understand what I'm going through and have been through.

If there's a way I can help make this space more useful or relevant to your needs, please let me know.

HUGS!

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

See, it's exactly this that kept me from shutting this off entirely. I have personal connections here I have nowhere else, and I value them. I had to remind myself that there are a few folks that take genuine interest in what I write here and in some cases they find it helpful in whichever way, and this will remain. I get frustrated easily these days, some of it has taken very visible physical tolls on me, not to mention mental and emotional ones as well. I am the sort that automatically bottled up my feelings except in the few cases where I can't contain it anymore, with the result being anyone's guess.

AS far as making this place useful and relevant, you already do, Neil.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

It's pretty quiet here but I still find it's primary purpose - journalling - to be entirely valid, for myself. My mind tends to organize things around themes or feelings rather than chronologically and it's good to have the linear record like this one. And I find the people I interacted with here keep turning up other places ...

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

You use this for your photography and writing and do so very well, and I admire it a lot. I don't have any real primary focus (no pun intended) so this space becomes an ad hoc dumping ground for the moment for me. Not everyone is pleased by my entries or comments, and I try to take a read of that if I sense it happens, but I don't always catch it. Best I can do is just be me, and give a disclaimer that no harm is intended to anyone.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Not everyone is pleased …

But. If you've written what really matters to you, and you're not being a jerk, and they don't happen to like it, well then better they should just stop reading, neh?

I'm not saying "my blog my way blah blah blah" at all, it's definitely a two-way street, but really IMO it's no great loss to you if someone who doesn't like what you do goes away.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I agree wholeheartedly.

[2stroker.livejournal.com]

I've been on here for 10 years too and have the same feelings.I post stuff now & then but wonder why I bother. There are really only 2 people here that I actually have any real connection with and you are one of them. I often think of just deleting the account but in the end I don't because I kind of like to just have a space to post my shit so there is some record of it.I've given up looking to make friends on line.I use Facebook to talk with my old friends from 40 years ago and don't bother with anyone else there either.It's all bullshit anyway.We live our lives in the real world,the physical world,and here in la la land who really cares.I had lots of so called friends when I was Nyrimmer and talking about eating ass. That showed me just how lame the whole thing is so I changed it to 2 stroker and they all disappeared.I hope you stick around ,it's good to read your posts .I understand if you don't and I'm sure you understand if I don't also.But,in the end it's all about ourselves here and it's good to be able to record your life to some degree like with me posting my bike work or my paintings and my ragging about the fascist government we now have. Someday in the future someone who isn't even born yet will be reading this shit and wondering all about us.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I love to read your posts and look at the photos of your bike restorations. I feel it would be fantastic to hang out in the shop and build and tinker. Sadly, I have very few remaining friends that do this sort of thing, they have moved, quit or had other reasons to get out of it. I know there are others out there doing the kind of garage and electronic work that I enjoy, but there seem to be no making connections with anyone local, there's no interest. I never force the issue either. I only occasionally take photos of what I might be working on at the time, but it finds a limited, at best, audience. And at times, I feel people think I am moving in on their turf or something.

I grudgingly went back to Facebook to find some of the people who used to be prolific here. It's just not the same, and the connections are now tenuous at best. I also had set up a Google+ account back when it was first announced, and some people from here are there too. I find maintaining multiple online presences a lot of work these days. I can't spread myself any thinner than I already am.

Even though I have a permanent account, I truly wonder how long this will last. Given the Russian owners and their current decaying political condition, as well as their stance on gays, my spot here could be zapped in a moment's notice. FOr years I had a personal site on Geocities, which I stopped updates years ago. When I got wind of the whole thing being shut down, I decided to copy all the files and kill the site myself, on my own terms. Turns out, some outfits went in and automatically archived the pages, some of which were memorials and sites from people no longer alive. I had nothing left to be copied, and I'm kind of glad. Had that happened, I would no longer be in control of my words, images and sounds.

I saw a while back you will be moving out west. That lessens my chance of one day hanging out with you even more, but I hope that might happen one day.

[2stroker.livejournal.com]

Well, If I can swing it I am going to try to make your wedding but not having worked for any kind of pay since last December really has put a dent in my plans to travel this coming season. I hope we can meet and hang out too.Finding other guys who actually work on things is harder and harder all the time. Did you ever try the Lambda car club in your local area? I met a few good people who actually work on their old cars in the NY chapter

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Ages ago I looked into Lambda, sent an email off and got no response. I kinda took that as no thanks. I might try again when in a better frame of mind. I swear vehicle hobbyists are a dying breed.

You're more than welcome to join us for the wedding. I understand money is tight, so it's not wrong if you can't swing it. :)

[tonethbone.livejournal.com]

I do my thing and let others do their thing.... and the few really bad outages each year...I tolerate...not enough to me ME stop writing. I don't expect perfection here.

For me...the cool people haven't gone...they are still here. And I have learned that it is not the quantity of people on your friends list that makes being here enjoyable....it's the quality. Are they writers or whiners, are they here for a pickup? Are they lonely and miserable? Are they just here to be humorous? and so on.

All I can say is that, for me..I feel so privileged that people have let me into their lives, in intimate ways , in instructive ways...and each year 4 or 5 new friends come along...and some of them impact me deeply as I watch they way they handle life situations.

So...not to be preachy...it all depends on what you are looking for.
I can understand people who feel this communication doesn't work anymore

But...the "I quit because of the last service interruption" folks? My cable company has had 6 outages this year....Doesn't make me want to stop watching TV one bit. The positives still trump the negatives in my book

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Given my sporadic posting, it seemed to be the few times I wanted to actually post I was unable to because of some Russian political turmoil du jour that cause this site to be unavailable. I guess Russian political strife turns me into Posty McPostalot even when I am totally unaware of what it happening.

It's been a very long time since I was befriended by someone new here, and a couple of my friending/subscribing others went unanswered, so I took the hint. I'm not really looking for anyhting here that I don't already have, I mostly miss a lot of the very good moments I've had in the past. My age and recent health problems have made me quite nostalgic, I suppose.

[tonethbone.livejournal.com]

I dont let the Russians bother me. I just hold the thoughts and post when things get back to normal...I try as much as possible to make my writing independent of what people want or expect. I write about what I like. And I laugh a lot at my own humor...And when someone defriends ne..I defirend him on here, on FB on BEar411..wherever hes is. Becuase...if you don't like me here...I don't want you to like me anywhere else. Gotta take the whole package

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Heh, there's that package of yours again. ;)

[tonethbone.livejournal.com]

People from all over the world have marveled at the total package...as they should

[ricksf.livejournal.com]

I too am an earlier adopter of LJ's services. Reading your post, I find myself agreeing with everything said. Particularly with regard to friendships made and sustained. You, Jeff, and I have never met yet I know we share some crossover interests and think alike in many ways. I have a friend in Maryland. You.

For me, the allure of LJ is having a place to write and perhaps to entertain a bit. The effort to record life's highs and lows is seductive for me. It works muscles in my mind that would atrophy otherwise, I think.

When a place becomes uninteresting, it's time to leave. I hope you don't but if you do, keep journaling, you're good at it.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

It's good to know that people do read, and care, especially when they might not respond. This is a form of mental exercise for me as well, and sometimes I think some of the hidden (and not so hidden) meaning in some of my posts travels far over some people's heads.

One problem I have more than ever these days is the conundrum of distance. The more in common I have with someone, the farther they seem to be. I want to open our home to friends and strangers I have a connection with, but that seems futile at best these days.

I find that LJ is not necessarily uninteresting, but I hate seeing it disintegrate from what it had been for me and so many others.

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

Ooh, Philception! (re the monitor)

For something that's ostensibly symbolic (legalities aside), marriage does carry quite a bit of weight!

Yeah, LJ is not what it used to be, but I think there are folks like me (and you) that keep visiting — perhaps not to participate all too often, but there is a bit of a reassurance and comfort knowing that the folks who are still around are in fact still around.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I didn't pay attention to the Cereal Box Syndrome going on in the picture until after I had posted it. Given the couple seconds of delay between capturing the video and outputting it over the network, I did have some fun with the video feedback and making lame time travel noises while twisting the camera around in front of the display. I should've had the big system running (behind the laptop) for greater effect, but that system heats up the room to unbearable levels at times and I was crawling around in the upper right of the frame where all the cabling comes in to terminate cables and snap them into the junction boxes. The heat can get brutal in that space (over 90 degrees). Besides, the thing uses a lot of power when running (two quad Xeons, 23 internal hard drives, big video, two involved SAS RAID cards, etc) I have been only turning it on when I need the computing horsepower.

The wedding is a huge thing for us, not only in the planning and executing, but in the preparations. The house and yard are still a mess, since I was sidelined severely last year and am only beginning to recover enough to do some of the stuff. When I do some of this work, I end up in a lot of pain, and I worry a lot if I am going to hurt myself and be in that bad condition again. Getting married is something I had long ago resigned myself to believing would never happen. It's beginning to hit me more and more that it is indeed going to happen, and a lot of changes will happen under the surface as a result. The weight of the occasion is making it tougher to concentrate at times, and I worry I might overdo something and get physically hurt again. I want things to be perfect. That's my nature.

I do miss your posts that used to happen a lot more in the past. The same goes for a lot of people. I feel more engaged when others are, I guess. It is comforting to watch others living lives and telling their stories.

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

"I did have some fun with the video feedback and making AWESOME time travel noises while twisting the camera around in front of the display."

There, fixed that for you =)

As for me, I'm mostly on Twitter these days, although that's obviously short-form. It can and does often wind up more conversational however. I suppose it's different now, as Twitter's a very different animal than it was when I first joined. I wouldn't know how to find the people I don't already talk to these days.

I'm also on G+, but that's mostly shorter-form links and such. Informative, sure, but not too personal. Unfortunate, as the Circles feature allows it to be similar to LJ (although not quite as locked-down).

I've been under a lot of stress as of late, both work and domestic. Consequently my show is also taking a hit (although that's mostly due to my editor not having time to edit the show). I also think I'm kinda done with it. On one hand, I want to keep doing it, as I enjoy it when actually live behind the mic. On the other hand, everything leading up to, and after fills me with dread and despair.

Sadly, I'm simply less inclined to post to LJ these days. I do still read it, and (as you can see) comment, but posting simply doesn't interest me too much these days. Some of which is due to the negative feedback I've received about my recent posts (comments came out of band). I figure if some of the few readers who are still left are going to be negative, why bother. I've never used LJ for pure catharsis.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

I hope he was singing the Doctor Who theme...

dum de dum dum de dum dum de dum dum dum dum....woooo EEEE oooooh!

[timbear.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the wedding!

As to the Internet presence, can I suggest you take a look at Google+ in addition to LJ? There are a lot of familiar names from the old LJ days there and it's largely measured and controllable, unlike Facebook.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I think it's going to be awesome. :)

I actually have a G= account, but I barely use it. I used to have a lot of online presences, and found keeping up appearances in all of them a lot of work as well as taking up a lot of time I don't really have. It indeed is more like LJ than FB, but I don't use it enough to always get a grasp of how the features keep evolving.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

I too never got G+, it seemed too much like LinkedIn where people post scholarly/work type articles, and more serious stuff.

I like the candy of people's everyday lives too, but that seemed lacking on G+. Also, Google tried to force it on me with YouTube and Picasa, which made me even more reluctant, and then limited my name changes cos I didn't have a 'real name' - even though a false name was OK under their original AUP and they changed their mind.

So, I tend to Facebook, but even then I only really stay cos my partner uses it. Email seems to have died a death, mostly. Dunno why I spent hours setting up an email server, fixing it and doing antispam...hardly anyone uses it anymore!

[rcfozzie.livejournal.com]

Very glad you have chosen to hang around a bit longer. I'm looking forward to your posts about your upcoming nuptials. Very happy for you.
Tony and I hit 15 years this coming Thursday and I hope that some day Georgia will allow us to wed and actually recognize it...
Best to you both.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the well wishing, and I do sincerely hope GA finally sees the light of equality. It's best for everyone.

[dan4behr.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're still here, too.

Sometimes, it can be days between LJ check-ins (like now...) and often more than a week between postings. I seem to make plans to update LJ, but for one reason or another, it seems to get put off.

When I do come here, finding something from you,Tony, John, Jerry, Dari and the old LJ gang is always a treat - a reassuring feeling of familiarity. Google Plus...yeah, I have one but it's never really taken off for me (or anyone else, really?) but as you said, I go there mainly to find a few LJ'ers who I don't see on FB. I don't think I've ever put anything up there.

So, don't give up on the ol' gal yet. We're still here....

[dan4behr.livejournal.com]

Oh, and all the awesomeness happening in that photo. I really hope to make it to your neck of the woods and see the Casa de Mayhem and it's two and four legged inhabitants for myself one day!

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

Oh I'm still here, I don't post as much (having a stupid amount of other self-hosted Wordpress blogs, and Facebook & Twitter) but I still check in every week or so, and read. I'm glad you're still here...I tend to keep this for personal stuff that either needs to be filtered (one of the big problem of all the other systems, is that lack of locking thing down private - it's possible, but not that easy or customisable - like you can post to just friends now on FB, and one of my Twitter accounts is protected - for drama reasons, *sigh* and I tend to, but you can't easily setup your own lists).

I do find the people are all different - those that read Radio Clash are different to those on my Facebook (generally not bears, for obvious reasons - got fed up with drama & b.s. so made it nearly all people I know IRL) are different from my Walking blog and different to either of my Twitter accounts...I quite like the fact it's different audiences, certainly people connect and read more on LJ, and from a different part of my life. I don't usually compartmentalise, but it's sort of happened by accident here.

Also things aren't really going that well, but it seems pointless to just keep moaning here...it's the same old same old anyway...I like to post good/interesting stuff, rather than 'OMG getting older this is going wrong' type things. Occasionally, but it would be a fairly constant stream atm, and nobody wants that. Problem is the good stuff, like exhibitions might be a bit too much like a review/diary...hmm. I tend to go quiet when things aren't great, rather than bug everyone.

I too have been annoyed by the 'never stops loading' problem. I suspect it's Apache, I had that on my own VPS, it's fixed now because I accidentally nuked it and had to reinstall everything, it seems a fresh install fixed it all...something odd with Linux Apache updates, I think.

And Security Cameras! I have my own IPCam which mails me pictures of the door...was tempted to make it more of a contact reed switch thing, but the Chinese cam isn't easily mod-able even with HTTP alarm, and I couldn't find a cheap way (outside of Raspberry Pi etc) to do it...there are switching systems that will, but I wanted something 20 dollars, not 80-100 dollars. So I just have a filter in Gmail that cleans out the pictures every X days, so if something happens I will have a copy for a few weeks.

[mikiedoggie.livejournal.com]

I have to admit LJ doesn't hold the same allure as it did years ago when it was a more thriving community. I still enjoy posting, although my commenting has dwindled to almost nil I have to admit.

I still engage in it, because if nothing else I do enjoy going back and reading my own entries as if it was just a personal journal. It reminds me of things I've done, events in the past, etc.

One thing hasn't changed in the last 10 years, I still get just as annoyed when I'll make a thoughtful post and get a handful of comments, and then I'll post a picture of a 'cute' friend and I'll get 20 comments. Oh wait, that's every other social media source too! LOL.

Wedding bells are going to chime! I hope it is a beautiful day.

[huxbear.livejournal.com]

Glad you're still here -- regardless of the frequency of posts/comments... [[snuggs & tummyrubs]]

[mort-83.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you stayed here. ;-)

I too, have felt the shift in LJ. I left it for a while, (and most other online places) as I needed some distance from internet space. But it's good to be back here, even with the occasional service issues (which I really haven't had too much of a problem with-knock wood).


I like your maple syrup analogy.

Good luck with the wedding prep. Hope the creaky bits are less creaky by then! :-)