greatbear | Ask Me: le

le_lapin digs a bit deeper and asked me “Is there something you regret?”

I think that would have to be not coming out sooner. Not necessarily to the world at large, but first and foremost to myself. I think back on all the self-hatred and wasted efforts in trying to be someone I am not and I sadly shake my head. I owned up to the fact I was gay long ago, but I deprived myself not only of intimate relationships but also being able to be comfortable in my own skin. Granted, who I am did not change one iota prior to me coming out versus how I am now, but I am so much more comfortable in who I am, what I have become, and what I can do to make positive changes.

I also realize that being gay is not a curse (though there are forces that are always going to be around who will say otherwise) but in many ways special. I see this not just in myself, but in each and every one of my gay friends. I don’t have my finger fully on the concept yet, but our role is somehow different and as yet unrealized I think. I see gay people as a sort of unifying force, with special roles that are important to society as a whole, but society has yet to allow it to develop. I see levels of creativity, nurture, bonding and intelligence that are obviously more developed and realized among my gay friends over and above what I see among a lot of my straight friends. I’m not sure this makes sense to my readership, but once I make sense of it more myself, I’ll write something about it.