LJ and me

[greatbear]

Last month my paid subscription came due as well as my extra userpics and whatnot. I re-upped for another year, but did so without any sort of direction or purpose for this thing called 'blog'. While I have not been a typical prolific poster for quite some time, this thing does give me an outlet of sorts. More to the point, it is also a window into many peoples' lives and activities, many of whom I consider close friends. In recent months, this has mostly been a record of my Mom's declining health. While glum at times, it is also been a glimpse into who she was. In here, she lives on in a way. This is only a good thing, at least to me.

I am mostly an intensely private person. This begs the question, what does someone so allegedly private need a blog for? A conundrum: a private person's life as an open book. I did not need to update my paid status here for the basic features, but for the extra stuff that would come in handy should I take off with this thing once more. Will it happen? I dont know yet. My future of late is full of questions and voids. I am not sure what the upcoming days will bring, but just in case, I have this outpost to call my own. I feel extraordinarily alone and broken at times, but I still manage to get through the days. I hope to find myself once again, and just maybe my journal will be of some assistance. After all, I have connected with some of the coolest people on the planet via this thing, and that alone is a candle in my current darkness.

Thanks for being my light.

Comments

[baeritone.livejournal.com]

You were my light in some of the darkest times I've ever seen, Phil. It would be churlish and rude not to return the favor. On top of which - it's not a burden to be there for the people we love. Thanks, for hanging around, my friend.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Hey, I never expected anything in return. It's what friends do, yannow?

Thanks so much.

[devcubber.livejournal.com]

I love LJ for the anonymity it can provide, yet at the very same time, one can completely connect with another human in a way that you may not otherwise meet in the flesh. I think it de-homogenizes parts of us, lets us "listen" to people's lives and give us perspectives that can strengthen and make all of us better people. It's also a very silly outlet for me, as well as a place to really feel myself. This bloggy thing has also allowed me to make some good friends and share some good emotions.

Glad you are on it, and glad you are planning to stay!

*hug*

echo...

[disccub.livejournal.com]

No, I am not referencing Freddy Freeman's song of that name. Rather, I am echoing devcubber's comment. LJ has allowed me to connect to people I would not have met otherwise. Glad you are staying around, Phil.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Blogging was something I had been thinking of doing before I actually joined LJ now going on 3 years this coming Feb.

I like what it's capable of doing and of reading of other people's writings, some good, some not so good but the good ones seem to outweigh the bad ones, at least here on LJ.

It's also reinforces the diversity that is the gay community that I like and who knows? meeting others might be possible.

Anyway, glad you found me and we've been reading each other's blogs even if we don't always comment.

Hang in there.

[kitchenbeard.livejournal.com]

I joined LJ about a year after my own mother died because I just need to have a place to spew my thoughts and feeliings once people around me were no loinger able to be of support to me. I was in the middle of a major break down and they didn't understand. So I started here. I still spew alot here, but the emotioinal stuff is filtered. I think yoiu're going through one of the hardest things we can do as humans and yopu should never be ashamed of that. Use LJ to help you with that jounrey and use the people you trust to hold you up.

[truckerbear.livejournal.com]

Thanks for allowing me to be the light.

Even if sometimes I am a bathroom gas station light....


bzzzzzz.....bzzzzzzzz

[orange-groves.livejournal.com]

SMOOCH

[clintswan.livejournal.com]

i can not agree with you more...

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

Well I'm glad your around and really enjoy reading the posts, even the, well, less enjoyable ones, paradoxically.

[kjvbear.livejournal.com]

4 years ago when I joined LJ, I could never see myself having a blog and putting myself out there for others to read. But here I am, and as you well know I have put an awful lot of myself out there. Why? Part of it is therapy for me. Part of it is knowing that there are people out there in LJ Land who do care. And a big part of it is reading what is going on in other peoples lives too. I for one would miss not hearing about whats going on with you Phil. You are a person I have come to know and like, and you weren't around on here it would be like losing a friend. I vote you stay! But thats me being selfish......

I gave up my paid account sometime ago, and just recently did a "sponsored account" which gives you some of the good stuff with out having to pay. That has worked well for me.....

[reslbear.livejournal.com]

As a recent addition to LJ, I only have the basic account. I don’t know what I’m missing by not having a paid account. Since I’m still figuring out what I want to use this for, I don’t’ see any need for more than what I have now.

On the loss of your mother, you have my deepest condolences. I lost my father in January of 2004 and was devastated by his passing. He was my rock and strength. His life was and remains an example of the man I want to be and his memory is never far from my thoughts. While I have struggled painfully through the grieving process, I can cope more now and have strength from the experience of losing him in my life. I’m lucky to still have my mother who got to spent 61 years married to the greatest man I’ve ever known. She is a special woman as well.

If I can offer anything is I’ve found growth from grief. I wish you strength and happiness. Give my regards to Jeff, as well.

[kymutt.livejournal.com]

Well, if I was a part of that light, then I'm glad to help. Although I'm sure other folks here were a brighter part of the flame.

[rockybear02.livejournal.com]

Well Phil - I am glad you're staying. You are a great man - and I look forward to meeting you in person sometime. You have helped me put my folks in perspective - and for that - I am very grateful. HUG