The new meh

[greatbear]

I've been battling a serious case of blog block for many months now. Rarely a day goes by that I wont have something personal, newsworthy, helpful, whatever, that I figure on posting that day and...

Nothing.

I will email myself links of note and even carry a USB drive where I keep jotted notes and raw entries. But when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of finishing up and posting, the desire just fades. Sometimes it's being lazy, but more often than not I encounter this invisible glass wall that stops me dead in my tracks and I simply close the entry window. It's like a meteorite that flares and then evaporates.

I've even took some steps in hope of jostling some enthusiasm in all of this with hopes of maybe even taking it to another level. I have a permanent account. I've even secured domain names. But for all the times that I have the urge to make use of any of it, by the time I begin the effort, I somehow usually just forget about in a huff and nothing sees the light of day. What does hit the page is usually something quick and disposable for the most part. A meme here, a YouTube there, with perhaps a bit of substance on occasion.

It should come as no surprise that other aspects of my life has fallen into the same trap. I have oodles of unfinished projects, wasting too much time on things that dont matter, etc. Part of this is a sort of depression, yes. But another part of it is middle age creeping in and destroying my once youthful enthusiasm. I look back at all of my accomplishments and I feel proud of it all. These days are full of uncertainty for me. Work is mostly a soul-depleting hell-hole but it pays well. My health is declining, with more aches and hurts and issues than I am used to dealing with. Once I was healthy as a horse, full of piss and vinegar and ready to conquer anything. Now I seem to just sputter along like a clapped-out beige Ford Fairmont with a brown door and three burnt valves.

I wish I could snap out of it. I've had enough of 'been there, done that'. I want more. I need more.

Comments

[wrascalism.livejournal.com]

Part of this is a sort of depression, yes.

Funny. I took up LJ as a tool to try to get out of a bit of depression after being mis-treated by a friend. Half the time I don't know what to write or if I anything I say will be of any value to anyone. Doing the 'show us where your town' meme gave a purpose for a while. Now I feel like doing the same with one of my SimCity creations. That would only please myself.

Hey, even a clapped out brown Fairmont gets appreciated by someone!
Hugs!

[bygbrat.livejournal.com]

i kinda know how you feel. i have lots of posts that are sitting with a private block cause they just aren't finished or something. your last statement really hit home with me. big hugs to you!

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Oh I have posts I've not posted, some begun, some finished but for one reason or another seem to not be fit to post and on some occasions, they just seem to verbose and grandiose to post.

Which is why much of what I write now is well, the mundane.

Hugs to you.

Killing me softly with his song ...

[roybear.livejournal.com]

I hear ya, mate. I'm the same. I even did the permanent account thingy as well in a bid to excite me into more blogging. I'm doing OK at the moment, getting the odd thing down, but I can still go for weeks and have a thousand things I want to say and not be able to get anything out. And it really struck a chord with me when you said "and the rest of my life is like that too".

I dunno what the answer is, but I just wanted to let you know you're not Robinson Caruso there :-)

[djmadadam.livejournal.com]

I too has ho hum.

I often look back and wonder where all that adolescent fervor and enthusiasm has gone. It's not just age. It's an accumulation of experiences over "time" (or linear space) and a resulting jadedness.

Perhaps it's mistrust in the world of humans that they'll all finally "get it", that we'll all break free from the complicated web that we've woven from ego-driven systems and paradigms and just be the souls that we truly are.

I have no answers.

[sfmini.livejournal.com]

I'm mostly a responder these days. For the most part the awful depression of last year and this spring seems to have, well, not gone away, but isn't the challenge of existence that it once was. But, that's the nature of this illness. I digress. My journal has all but died. I use it to let the masses know of changes in my life. I start entries and even responses and get half way into them and just close the window. But then I haven't really had much to blog about, save the decision making process of moving back east, and that's not settled by any stretch of the imagination.

I've totally lost any youthful enthusiasm. I used to buy historic houses for myself and rebuild them, now I have no desire to even own a house. One of my efforts got national recognition and another state recognition. I'm proud of that. Couldn't now come up with the desire to go look at a new project. My job is ok, but the people aren't. The only things I enjoy in this life now are Turbo and the MINI. We ride around a lot together.

I feel like my old 1972 Saab that had a bad third gear, bad ignition switch I had to hotwire and a cooling system so bad I had to run the heater all the time, especially in the summer. When I was young I had an old worn out car, now I'm the one that's old and worn out and the car is young.

I almost just deleted everything I just wrote. But I figured I'd let this one blow through.

[otterdaemmerung.livejournal.com]

KMFDM icon love! Woot! :)

[budmassey.livejournal.com]

I may be at the other end of the scale. I blog about anything and everything, and sometimes nothing. Half the time it's either how much I miss my partner when he's not here, or how much I love him when he is, and I know that people roll their eyes and say, "there he goes again." But over time I've come to see blogging as a way to sort out and clarify things in my head.

Maybe one day when you really don't feel like blogging, you could try starting with "Today, I don't feel like blogging because...."

[scorpiocub.livejournal.com]

congrats, you just broke out of it.

[devcubber.livejournal.com]

light is waning, temps are changing...that's when my brain starts to get flat.

You've been through a lot of changes in the last year and some. Takes a while for a body to get through and process those hurts.

And for the record, you are HEALTHIER than a horse. Those animals get hurt just by sneezing. (trust me, I have 23 of them)

[mfpatterson.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what prompts us "middle aged men" to go through these trappings. I find myself wondering "what's next" as far as the health arena, is anyone truly interested in what I put down in my blog, have I accomplished anything at all worth noting etc... and then I sit down and read my "friends" blogs, I smile, realize that I'm not alone in life's frustrations and stagnations, that I indeed am getting older, not as "purty" and worn down, but have a life that is full, good friends that I can keep in touch with via this journal gig (like yourself) 2 partners that fulfill my life. I then kick myself and get on with things... I'll repeat this pattern, but at least I know there is a good end to the cycle......... I'm sure you still full of piss/vinegar. giggle