![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
The new meh
Sep. 18th, 2007 11:34 pmI've been battling a serious case of blog block for many months now. Rarely a day goes by that I wont have something personal, newsworthy, helpful, whatever, that I figure on posting that day and...
Nothing.
I will email myself links of note and even carry a USB drive where I keep jotted notes and raw entries. But when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of finishing up and posting, the desire just fades. Sometimes it's being lazy, but more often than not I encounter this invisible glass wall that stops me dead in my tracks and I simply close the entry window. It's like a meteorite that flares and then evaporates.
I've even took some steps in hope of jostling some enthusiasm in all of this with hopes of maybe even taking it to another level. I have a permanent account. I've even secured domain names. But for all the times that I have the urge to make use of any of it, by the time I begin the effort, I somehow usually just forget about in a huff and nothing sees the light of day. What does hit the page is usually something quick and disposable for the most part. A meme here, a YouTube there, with perhaps a bit of substance on occasion.
It should come as no surprise that other aspects of my life has fallen into the same trap. I have oodles of unfinished projects, wasting too much time on things that dont matter, etc. Part of this is a sort of depression, yes. But another part of it is middle age creeping in and destroying my once youthful enthusiasm. I look back at all of my accomplishments and I feel proud of it all. These days are full of uncertainty for me. Work is mostly a soul-depleting hell-hole but it pays well. My health is declining, with more aches and hurts and issues than I am used to dealing with. Once I was healthy as a horse, full of piss and vinegar and ready to conquer anything. Now I seem to just sputter along like a clapped-out beige Ford Fairmont with a brown door and three burnt valves.
I wish I could snap out of it. I've had enough of 'been there, done that'. I want more. I need more.
Nothing.
I will email myself links of note and even carry a USB drive where I keep jotted notes and raw entries. But when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of finishing up and posting, the desire just fades. Sometimes it's being lazy, but more often than not I encounter this invisible glass wall that stops me dead in my tracks and I simply close the entry window. It's like a meteorite that flares and then evaporates.
I've even took some steps in hope of jostling some enthusiasm in all of this with hopes of maybe even taking it to another level. I have a permanent account. I've even secured domain names. But for all the times that I have the urge to make use of any of it, by the time I begin the effort, I somehow usually just forget about in a huff and nothing sees the light of day. What does hit the page is usually something quick and disposable for the most part. A meme here, a YouTube there, with perhaps a bit of substance on occasion.
It should come as no surprise that other aspects of my life has fallen into the same trap. I have oodles of unfinished projects, wasting too much time on things that dont matter, etc. Part of this is a sort of depression, yes. But another part of it is middle age creeping in and destroying my once youthful enthusiasm. I look back at all of my accomplishments and I feel proud of it all. These days are full of uncertainty for me. Work is mostly a soul-depleting hell-hole but it pays well. My health is declining, with more aches and hurts and issues than I am used to dealing with. Once I was healthy as a horse, full of piss and vinegar and ready to conquer anything. Now I seem to just sputter along like a clapped-out beige Ford Fairmont with a brown door and three burnt valves.
I wish I could snap out of it. I've had enough of 'been there, done that'. I want more. I need more.
