Quick update

[greatbear]

Okay, time for an update, an explanation, and an apology, not necessarily in any particular order.

Firstly, my apologies to anyone who got a scare or was otherwise concerned when my LJ vanished without warning. Long story short, it was done to eliminate past and future actions causing problems here at home, nothing more. Circumstances which arose and caused the issues were born out of misunderstandings, and have been rectified. I needed a bit of time to reset my head and just take a break. What I discovered later during that time was quite a few of my LJ friends wondering what happened and showing deep concern. This is very humbling, and for that I thank all of you. Rest assured, I will try and avoid the same thing happening in the future, and if for some reason I have to pull the plug here, I'll leave some sort of warning.

I was reminded by a few of you that this LJ thing, as it is used by some of us, has grown beyond simple blogging or even social media, and has become a close circle of friends with this service as a primary (if not sole) means of communication. If someone disappears suddenly, the cause for concern and need for an explanation goes beyond that of an office koffee klatch or even traditional extended family members. Close bonds and tight friendships form here sometimes, and must be treated as such. I don't know who ultimately reads most of my entries aside from those who leave comments in each particular one. But it's become clear that far more people actually read than comment. I'm one of the most guilty people in that respect. I read everyone on my f-list. You might call it my a-list. But out of the dozens of entries I read each day, I comment with only a fraction sometimes, if that. And I am also guilty of not continuing dialogs within my own posting comment fields. I'm trying to change that. And smack me around if need be. I'm especially dense lately with so much on my mind that I often forget.

As for myself, I'm managing. Not long ago I was able to make use of my seemingly interminable waits between doctor visits and various treatments by focusing my pent-up energies (and frustrations) doing stuff around the house and garage. As my stenosis seemed to worsen, I took to sitting on the floor to do all the tinkering that makes me happy and gives me a sense of accomplishment, since standing had become more and more painful. In the last couple weeks my ability to walk and stand has become excruciating, and even dangerous. I have my cane/stick wherever I go now, and more than a few times, I found myself actually incapacitated, unable to get up or even move my lower torso without extreme pain. This week I have been wrapping up as much stuff as I can and leaving things easier for Jeff to work with as I simply bide my time before my October appointment under the knife. After that day of infamy (or infirmary) there's going to be even more time where I will be pretty much an immobile lump as I heal up and hopefully can begin to resume a normal life. If all goes well, much of what I did around here in the days/weeks/months prior will help set the stage for a simpler life with some cool things thrown in when we both can enjoy it. At least that's what I hope for.

So, there you have it. There's more, but it's not necessary at this time to elaborate. Suffice it to say that while I am feeling rather beaten down right now, I still have a fight left in me. And thanks to some of you, that is a battle worth fighting and fighting fucking hard.

Now, for those who made it this far and did not succumb to the teal deer, I noticed a meme going around. I decided to participate. I was supposed to take a pixture of myself as I am at the moment, no preening and primping, no hairdos, showering, grooming of any kind, costumes, flattering light, or Photoshop treatments. So here I am basking in the unflattering glare of the Luxo lamp with the 100 watt equivalent LED floodlight shining in my face. Prior to the webcam photo I transformed my super heavy duty keyboard drawer into an impromptu workbench to figure out what's with my cell phone. I think I got it sorted out. It's been dropped a lot lately.

Comments

[maxauburn.livejournal.com]

Like I said before, it's great to see you've returned!

That's an *ULTRA* nice photo of you!

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Handsome is, is handsome does.

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

I don't freak out when people just don't post for a while - my general thought is that they've gotten busy - for good or ill - and will be back when they have time. It was seeing the "deleted" notification that concerned me. I'm so glad the concern was unfounded.

I know you hate being limited in what you can do, and as you say that's one of the aspects of the aftermath of the surgery you're not pleased with. Is there anything you've wanted to do - a set of books to read, tv series to watch start to finish, sets of movies to watch - that you could use this as an "excuse" to do? If your body can't be very active, at least your mind can be....

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Well, I have several movies I have yet to watch, and I'm saving those for my convalescing time. I also have a shit-ton of work to do as far as reorganizing the media library, plus adding a couple hundred gigabytes of new stuff as well. Rather than burn down the LAN with all that data, everything will reside on the server drives and I'll log onto it remotely from my little lappy and let it churn. I can even remote desktop into the other PCs here and do updates and such. Basically I'm saving this sort of thing for when it's all I can do. However, right after the surgery, I plan on hibernating for a good while. I've surprised myself in the past when I slept for over 26 hours straight. I woke up lethargic and groggy, but I thought it was only for a couple hours. Mom told me it was a bit longer than that. She'd check on me very now and then, since I had been recovering from the peritonitis and she worried, But I was blissfully asleep and my occasional chainsaw-like snoring let her know I was still functioning.

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

Oh, of course you're gonna hibernate for a while after getting home. I'm just thinking back to when I had my gallbladder out; not nearly what you're looking at, but the pain in the abs did make me loath to move if I didn't have to... thank goodness for all my DVDs, books and music to keep me occupied once I was able to step down my pain meds and realized I was bored. ;)

[holy13nation.livejournal.com]

I was offline for a while so missed your absence. At the cottage I still have yet to get internet access. I am doing so but regretfully as I rarely miss it and actually treasure the break. One person is concerned that he has relatively immediate access at all times and I will be doing it for him.
I understand your need to clear your head. I find I get very disillusioned with LJ, my own inability to post anything of note and the self absorption it engenders. Sometimes it seems just a long list of moans, bitches, spats, whatever...
but like you I have been grateful for the kindness of others at times. Very grateful.
Dealing with the pain must be very debilitating and frustrating. However what is said above here is right. If I can make an example. My brother was a very talented footballer when younger. Trials for major teams were on the cards. Then he broke his neck playing rugby. Luckily, he was not permanently paralysed. But he was uncomfortably mobile for months. Constant vomiting when you can't move at all is not a good thing. Unlike me who would, he never complained. He just changed. He read voraciously and started writing. Today he is a successful scriptwriter. Ok, he was young but...

You are an intelligent man, a good mind. It will take time but I am sure there is a good life after the operation...even it seems a bitch at times to find it. If anyone can, you will.

[holy13nation.livejournal.com]

bugger..that should read "uncomfortably immobile". It's early here. I love getting up early but my brain follows reluctantly.

[canadad.livejournal.com]

Good to see you and hear from you.

[mcbulldawg.livejournal.com]

Phil!

Big big hugs my friend! I am really glad that you're back! Great pic of you. I always have had a soft spot for a handsome guy with a beard! *grin*

HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!

-=McB

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

That is a battle worth fighting and fighting fucking hard.

Remember, that. It is!! We were worried, so thank you for the kindness and courtesy in letting us back into your world. I've fought different battles in the past couple of years, but I wouldn't have gotten through them with as much grace without the support of my network here on LJ. My mother has gone through similar physical issues to yours, indeed is facing her 5th back surgery next month ... and yes, they take forever to get it scheduled. You're a young man. I have faith that you will participate in your recovery and rehab to the fullest ... You are strong.

One question ... You wrote that you sit on the floor to do your tinkering ... It is the quickest way for my back to tighten up and go into spasm ... for example, if I sit cross legged on the floor, I'm asking for trouble. For my future information, how does this lessen your pain. I'd like to do so, if I could without putting myself in pain.

Big HUGS!

[tonethbone.livejournal.com]

I somehow missed all of this...usually I get a message from Live Journal saying that so-and-so deleted you as a friend or so-and-so deleted his journal...but I didnt..so this was surprising to me.

I would have certainly been very concerned
I am so glad you are back. Your network of friends is indeed a supportive thing and not one to turn away from in the difficult times that you are going through

I live with pain every day ..I've learned to ignore it...for the most part But I wouldnt wish it on anyone else. I hope you operation is a success. Please keep in touch

what they said

[disccub.livejournal.com]

I want to echo all the words of support. You are strong in mind, body, and spirit to pull through this. Also, I appreciate the fact that you were shirtless when you took the picture. Thanks. ;)

[rcfozzie.livejournal.com]

Glad you are OK and back online.
btw - very handsome pic.

Hugs!

[geometrician.livejournal.com]

Glad to see you!

[jkusters]

Even though I rarely comment, I do follow your journal with interest.

Thanks for the pic! Even in the "unflattering" light, you're still awfully cute.

Thinking good thoughts your way...

[merlinwon.livejournal.com]

Yayness.. nice to see your back and a great pic as well.

I'm the same with you with the lj friends. I, as well, read most all my friends entries.. yet don't comment to them all! Aside from that guest/vistor feature they've added.. which i think it's for people who go direct to ones journal.. there should be alittle ticker or something we could click near the icon to let our friends know.. yes we read yur entry... though nothing to say ... or nothing to say at the time, etc. !!

Glad your back.. I saw the name crossed and figured yu deleted me.. as messed up as i am, lol, then i went and noticed yur journal was GONE!! Then Tommy had made the post asking if anyone had heard from you...and wow.. You Have ALOT of friends who care!! :)

I've been thinkin' on making a post about this episode..not using any names , but just the general idea of how close some friends are.. even when they don't post.. and how nice it would be to have that ticker something of i read you!!

Luv n Hugs,
Randy

[bootedintexas.livejournal.com]

well arent you just as adorable (if not more) than your icon. hope you might be able to join for coastering in June.

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

The point is, now you understand! There are some battles where you have to grab your sword and attack the dragon on your own, there are others were you lead your legion to defeat the enemy. Together we make a powerful army. Places like LJ, and from what I can determine, there aren't many, help us maintain close, productive and protective friendships, ones that used to only exist between some family members or good neighbors. Now that even those are estranged from us, this forum helps us seek each other out. As someone I respect and care mightily about told me, "we always find out own". Those words ring very true here Phil. We are a band of misfits, a brotherhood of the strange, a cornucopia of talent and passion, but above all caring friends. We will go with you, help you get through whatever you must. All you have to do is reach out and grab one of those out thrust hands. Mine will always be there for you.

Hugs.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

'Suffice it to say that while I am feeling rather beaten down right now, I still have a fight left in me. And thanks to some of you, that is a battle worth fighting and fighting fucking hard.'

Good to hear it. Your lack of ability or pain does not define you; it's part of you but never all that you are. And even if it stays you scream fuck off into the void and give it a good kicking. It's the only way.

And yes, I missed you and glad you are back. I always read your posts and would seriously miss them. Not everyone's posts do I fully read, yours I always do. You write a lot better than you think, I'm jealous of your clarity.

And yes, looking good there. WOOF! ;-) Unhappy backs don't stop the hotness, and never should.

[beastbriskett.livejournal.com]

Great to see yer mug back where it should be!!