The Manic Mechanic

Okay, time for an update, an explanation, and an apology, not necessarily in any particular order.

Firstly, my apologies to anyone who got a scare or was otherwise concerned when my LJ vanished without warning. Long story short, it was done to eliminate past and future actions causing problems here at home, nothing more. Circumstances which arose and caused the issues were born out of misunderstandings, and have been rectified. I needed a bit of time to reset my head and just take a break. What I discovered later during that time was quite a few of my LJ friends wondering what happened and showing deep concern. This is very humbling, and for that I thank all of you. Rest assured, I will try and avoid the same thing happening in the future, and if for some reason I have to pull the plug here, I'll leave some sort of warning.

I was reminded by a few of you that this LJ thing, as it is used by some of us, has grown beyond simple blogging or even social media, and has become a close circle of friends with this service as a primary (if not sole) means of communication. If someone disappears suddenly, the cause for concern and need for an explanation goes beyond that of an office koffee klatch or even traditional extended family members. Close bonds and tight friendships form here sometimes, and must be treated as such. I don't know who ultimately reads most of my entries aside from those who leave comments in each particular one. But it's become clear that far more people actually read than comment. I'm one of the most guilty people in that respect. I read everyone on my f-list. You might call it my a-list. But out of the dozens of entries I read each day, I comment with only a fraction sometimes, if that. And I am also guilty of not continuing dialogs within my own posting comment fields. I'm trying to change that. And smack me around if need be. I'm especially dense lately with so much on my mind that I often forget.

As for myself, I'm managing. Not long ago I was able to make use of my seemingly interminable waits between doctor visits and various treatments by focusing my pent-up energies (and frustrations) doing stuff around the house and garage. As my stenosis seemed to worsen, I took to sitting on the floor to do all the tinkering that makes me happy and gives me a sense of accomplishment, since standing had become more and more painful. In the last couple weeks my ability to walk and stand has become excruciating, and even dangerous. I have my cane/stick wherever I go now, and more than a few times, I found myself actually incapacitated, unable to get up or even move my lower torso without extreme pain. This week I have been wrapping up as much stuff as I can and leaving things easier for Jeff to work with as I simply bide my time before my October appointment under the knife. After that day of infamy (or infirmary) there's going to be even more time where I will be pretty much an immobile lump as I heal up and hopefully can begin to resume a normal life. If all goes well, much of what I did around here in the days/weeks/months prior will help set the stage for a simpler life with some cool things thrown in when we both can enjoy it. At least that's what I hope for.

So, there you have it. There's more, but it's not necessary at this time to elaborate. Suffice it to say that while I am feeling rather beaten down right now, I still have a fight left in me. And thanks to some of you, that is a battle worth fighting and fighting fucking hard.

Now, for those who made it this far and did not succumb to the teal deer, I noticed a meme going around. I decided to participate. I was supposed to take a pixture of myself as I am at the moment, no preening and primping, no hairdos, showering, grooming of any kind, costumes, flattering light, or Photoshop treatments. So here I am basking in the unflattering glare of the Luxo lamp with the 100 watt equivalent LED floodlight shining in my face. Prior to the webcam photo I transformed my super heavy duty keyboard drawer into an impromptu workbench to figure out what's with my cell phone. I think I got it sorted out. It's been dropped a lot lately.

I'm pretty good at a lot of things. Many people know that. It benefits me greatly, and others as well. Eventually, this ends up in a scenario such as this:

Friend: Hey, Phil. I'm having problems with x. Can you help me?
Me: Sure.

Repeat scenario, substitute different value for x. Repeat, oh, hundreds or thousands of times over the years. Hey, it's me, it's what I do well, I enjoy helping others. I really do.

One thing I have difficulty with is actually asking for help for myself. Reasons are myriad, I don't like to impose, I work better alone, I have ridiculously high standards at times, etc. But I sometimes cannot avoid it, especially if I am sick, injured, or simply it's more than I (or Jeff and I) can handle. This is how such a scenario unfolds:

Me: Hey, buddy. I need help with x. I normally don't bother people for help, but I sure could use a hand, especially since I (insert malady here). Whattaya say?
Friend: I'd really like to help, but y. Maybe next time?

Repeat, entering different excuses for y. And for just about every instance of (Friend).

And so I am truly reminded of why I don't ask for help. It hurts much less if I just injure myself overdoing it.

I started one of my first "personal" posts in a long time which touched upon, among other things, my situations at work, my seemingly continual declining physical condition, the number of projects I am currently working on and have in the planning stages. Once I looked at the increasing blocks of bleak text, I did a select all - backspace and sent the missives into oblivion. Actually, this has occurred a few times already, with the same result. The difference this time, however, is that I decided to continue with the post, using the time and space provided to give something to my dear readers to cheer them up and get them moving rather than seeking pity, making them scroll past or adding me to yet another filter list.

Here's the newest single from Goldfrapp's new album Head First. Crank it up and dance as if no one is watching. And if they are, put on a show they'll not forget anytime soon.

Goldfrapp
"Rocket"

Maybe I will get past my mental blocks and say what I really have on my mind.

I poked and hammered a bit more on the truck this evening, plus sanded and polished the gouges out of the taillight. It aint perfect, but it's at least it's less heinous than before:



I guess it's not bad for a bit over an hour's worth of work. I should invest in a good set of body picks.

Deja Poo: Same shit, different day. You heard it here first (probably).

Remember that scene in Blazing Saddles near the end, where that bar fight begins to spill from one soundstage to another, involving more and more random and unsuspecting cast and destroying all the props and scenery? That was funny. Trying to recreate it starting from a flounce post in your own journal then de-friending people somehow connected with yet totally uninvolved (and unconcerned) the original target party, well, that's just silly. Usually I would not give this a second thought, but I've been in a cranky mood due to childishness I have been encountering at work, so I figure a little rant of my own is warranted.

Marbles? I think someone lost them for a moment. Or two.