Make it stop already

[greatbear]

I'm an atheist, most people know that. I let people live their lives and quietly let those who attempt to press dogma on me that, thanks, but no thanks, it's not how I roll. That being said, I do have a soft spot in my heart for certain religiously-themed music (and art, films, etc) as a genre. There's no denying the energy of a gospel choir (think of The Color Purple) or the intricate interplay of a quartet singing in a cathedral with soaring acoustics. Now comes a time of year when there is almost no escaping the Songs of the Season. Yeah, it's Christmastime, and everything from television commercials to background Muzak systems are belting out all the old standards. Some radio stations here switch programming right before Thanksgiving to an all-holiday music format. And most will slip in a Xmas-themed song into their playlist at times. I admit having a certain fondness for a lot of Christmas music. Not for any of the messages, mind you, but for the sake of my family traditions and the memories the tunes often evoke. I'm an old softie. But there are certain tunes that just rub me the wrong way. By far the worst is that sappy, manipulative dreck called "Christmas Shoes" by Newsong. I was thumbing through radio stations earlier and came across the song being played on a country music station (go figure). I. Absolutely. Detest. That. Song. But rather than try to explain to my dear readers as to why my bile rises when I hear that tune (though most can figure it out pretty easily), I'm going to let comedian Patton Oswalt perform a perfect deconstruction of the song along with the most hilarious graphics in the following video:

I'm not mean spirited, but this sums up my feelings about that song, and others in the same vein. Sad thing is, some people just soak up this stuff, and lots of money gets made. If it makes people happy, though, I guess it can't be all bad. Maybe just a bit misdirected.

What's my favorite song of the season? It might be a bit long in the tooth by now, but when I first heard this on my way to work one cold morning, I ended up cranking up the megawatt Alpine audio system in my old truck to the point I smelled the speakers' voice coils burning. Here was my love for classical music that I acquired at a very young age coupled with my absolute need to rock (also acquired at the same young age) mixed in with the memories of all the fun Xmases of my youth, seasoned with a bit of the Russian flavor of my heritage:

Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Christmas Eve Sarajevo

Do yourself a favor and crank it up with me.

Comments

Re: Oh and by the way...

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Wreathse!

[eric-mathgeek.livejournal.com]

That was my favorite line!

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

I've never heard this song before, but that was brilliant!

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Here is a video of the original. If Thomas Kinkade were to write a Xmas song, this would be it.

[maxauburn.livejournal.com]

Love the video!

" Buhda gave me a handjob in the hottub." LOL!!!

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I think even Oswalt lost it at that line. X-D

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

This dissection of the song is exactly my sentiments, and is so much like how George Carlin would've explained it.

We do seem to share a lot as far as like-mindedness. I'm just not very fond of being in wet clothes. ;)

[oakenking.livejournal.com]

That's been one of our favorite love-to-hate Christmas songs for several years. In my cynical view, it seems like a classic two-man grift; shopkeeper and boy are confederates, and the great thing is, "selling" the shoes is like hooking... ya got it, ya sell it, ya still got it! I bet they could work it several times a day in peak season.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Indeed!

[fuzzbearmark.livejournal.com]

~thanks for the laugh~

[eric-mathgeek.livejournal.com]

SO totally agree with you. But I can just hear some of my sisters gushing about how much they love this song... (not that they have, but I can imagine it way too easily).

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

I've asked a few people I know if they liked the song as a form of a test for curiosity's sake. The ones that loved it were exactly the ones I knew would. Others who I knew were pretty religious yet rather sensible said the song was inappropriate in the obvious ways. This is written for a certain audience that is a guaranteed sell, and there's plenty of them buying.

[clintswan.livejournal.com]

LOL

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

I've never heard "Christmas Shoes" - and given what you say about it, I'm going to avoid the deconstruction as well. Of course, one of my favorite holiday songs is "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Christmas At Ground Zero" so that should give you some idea where I'm at in all this. ;) (Actually, you've given me an idea to create my own holiday music playlist...!)

For some weird reason, the player for the TSO song would only come up in Firefox - neither Opera nor Chrome would/could show it.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Do yourself a favor and give the original and the comedy bit a view. It's worth the former for the lulz in the latter by far.

The player is a simple Flash app, should work with most everything that can view YouTube vids and such.

[teddyb.livejournal.com]

Phil, I am sooooooo with you on this.

The first time I heard the song, I wasn't really listening to it and I got sort of reeled in to the sappy sentimentality of it.

But then I listened more closely, and had a total WTF?!? moment.

Shoes in case mama meets Jesus? The more I listened and the more often I heard it, the more I grew to thoroughly hate everything about that song.

I hate it even more than that Paul McCartney "I'll bet I can write a total crap Christmas song and still bank a few hundred pounds in royalties every year" song.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Same here. I heard the song one time and did not listen closely (I couldn't, I was at work and busy) and thought it was a bit schlocky but innocent enough. When I heard it in it's entirety and realized the true scope of it, it made me ill.

[erstexman.livejournal.com]

Well, I still am a Christian (well, nominal at least) and I hate the song too. I do love some tunes I have sung before at the holiday that have had a profound effect on me. For example, there is a Gloria by Randall Bass that I sang with Turtle Creek chorale - 225 male voices, pipe organ, two pianos and brass - I would get chills and feel as if I was going to burst into flight in parts, but also have tears run down my face in parts. An acapella piece called "Sleep, My Child" to this day brings tears every time I hear it. Anyway, schlock like this always just makes me cringe. Another nearly as bad, "Happy Birthday Jesus" makes me want to poke my eardrums out with an ice pick.

Just out of curiosity, do you adhere to any of the secular aspects of the season like decorating a tree, etc?

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I will put up lights and decorations, and usually have a tree, though the amount of stuff often depends on my mood or health at the time. I have a bunch of new LED lights I wanted to put up this weekend, but the wind was too heavy for climbing up ladders, especially given my nerve problems and propensity for suddenly losing my balance. I am not sure if we will have a tree this year, I might pick up a small live tree to use as our xmas tree then plant it outside right after the new year to replace the big one that was taken out by the blizzards.

Yes, the song sucks, Phil.

[bonkishnurtaz.livejournal.com]

With the exception of Jethro Tull's "Christmas Song" and E. L. P.'s "I Believe In Father Christmas," I really don't like that many newer holiday tunes. I would rather personally hear a Rush, Yes, King Crimson, Pink Floyd, Genesis, or Gentle Giant song instead. The only plus as far as I am concerned is that the vocalist is a WOOFY bearded bear. The graphics and the comedian's impersonation of the late Paul Lynde was hilarious.

Re: Yes, the song sucks, Phil.

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

Merry Progsmas! ;)

[beastbriskett.livejournal.com]

You have just made the entire weekend. Hoody is still chuckling.
Unforgivable!! :D

[greatbearmd.livejournal.com]

That line (and the delivery) had me in stitches!