Uncertainty of life

[greatbear]

A lot of things have been weighing heavily on my mind, and weighing me down physically as well. I've been quite out of sorts for a while. My appetite is shot; if we go to a restaurant, the vast majority of times I end up bringing at least half of my meal home. At home I barely eat compared to how I used to. This is not entirely bad, since my activity level is also down, I don't need the extra calories making me huge. It's tough for me to be enthused about food, and having a chef as a very significant other, I feel I am doing him an injustice as well.

World events have me down, of course. The disaster in Japan, with continued tragic reports of lost life, the nuclear mess and untold suffering hit me hard. I've had to take steps to limit my intake of bad news not just from Japan, but everywhere. Still my empathic nature makes me feel for the thousands affected.

I am frustrated at the almost stalled progress in recovery from my injuries and surgery. Part of this is due to the medications I had been taking to promote nerve healing, the side effects leave me loopy and slow responding, and I still have problems stumbling and falling on (thankfully lessening) occasions. I still have issues just walking, and if I bump into something or do anything that results in (or would require) sudden motions to keep my balance, I teeter and topple like a top running out of angular momentum to keep it upright. It's frustrating. There are ongoing issues with my ankle and knee as well. A set of stairs, where I used to take two steps at a time in a running gallop before is a burden that required careful use of handrails.

All of this pales, however, in comparison to my dear Jeff. As you know, he suffered a very serious heart attack in December. He bounced back in an incredibly short time, with a near perfect recovery. this is tempered against his workaholic nature and his job requirements that keep him on the go starting at 4am and sometimes not coming home until 12 or more hours later, only to have to do more work at home. Part of this stems from the ongoing delays in getting internet service and connectivity for the systems there, and telephone service. These issues are slowly being rectified, and Jeff has let everyone know that these 15 hour days that intrude on his home life are unacceptable. Time will tell if the concerns will be fully addressed.

But the worst has the potential yet to come. During the various testing done when Jeff had his heart attack, problems were detected with thyroid function. Subsequent tests found large masses on the thyroid, and last week a biopsy was performed to determine if these masses are cancerous or not. We find out next week the results of those tests. Needless to say, both of us have been adrift in a lot of uncertainty and worry. Regardless of the test outcome, surgery will need to be performed. The tests are there to determine if it happens sooner or later, and the course of action. For both of us, it seems that with one happy step forward comes at least one back.

Comments

[dan4behr.livejournal.com]

It seems like a number of folks are feeling challenged this spring. I can relate to your feelings here in a number of ways.

Take care of one another. You both need some TLC right now and please, try to get Jeff to slow down a little. I was tired just reading what he's doing on a daily basis. You take care of yourself as well, mister.

[geometrician.livejournal.com]

You are carrying more burden than any one man should have to bear. Please use your support system of friends and loved ones to help you as much as they can. And do come here and vent. We're here to listen. Hugs!

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

oh wow yet another thing on your plate. crap.

[kirbymiles.livejournal.com]

You have a lot on your plate and adding uncertianty to the mix can be difficult. Do take care of each other and make sure you keep your friends and family close by. That is what they are there for.

Hugs

[jkusters]

My thoughts are with you guys.

[rcfozzie.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear this.
My thoughts are with you both.
Hugs.

[maxauburn.livejournal.com]

Hoping things will be okay!

I wish I could put a force field around you two, (And Kodi!) and protect you from bad things!

*ULTRA-HUGS*

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

Philip, there is but one true constant in that the future will be what it will be. Unfortunately it is also true that we humans given a choice between hope and despair will most likely choose despair. It is not that we are naysayers to a fault, it is just as a species we have had a lot of shit to deal with. For Jeff, whatever is to be already exists and it is unlikely that it is the end of the world, just a major pothole. But you know, individually the two of you are oxen but together you are a force to be reckoned with. Trust, have faith in that and you will overcome any obstacle that lies ahead. It is my belief that you two will ultimately succeed. Be strong, have faith that sometimes the moon will indeed orbit in your neighborhood.

[anim8rbear.livejournal.com]

You and I are in two very similar places. The stresses in my life and the world have me so depressed that its difficult for me to function. If you're any bit as empathic like I am, then I know exactly how you feel.

My chronic health conditions continue to bother me. Torn labrum in my left shoulder, herniated discs in my back, chest and abdominal pains that my doctor can't seems to identify or treat. All in all it makes daily living a chore and every movement of my body sends me signals as to my constant aging. I'm only 43, but I feel like I'm in my 60's.

As for your partner, I understand that as well. I have hashimoto's disease and I too have cysts and masses on my thyroid. My immune system attacks my thyroid tissue and destroys it. As a result, I have to take hormones and I usually feel tired all the time. The good news for Jeff is any potential thyroid cancer is relatively treatable, slow growing, and has an excellent prognosis. Over 95%+ of most thyroid cancers are treatable. My doctor told me once, if you had to have cancer, thyroid cancer would be the one you'd want because its the most treatable.

Thyroid problems and heart issues go hand in hand. It runs in my family. The malfunctioning thyroid plays havoc with the body's metabolism and its ability to burn off excess cholesterol and triglycerides. It can also increase the chance of diabetes and sets you up for developing what's generally known as Metabolic Syndrome X. In all of this, the heart is basically an innocent victim of this syndrome. I would care to guess that his heart problems were tied to failing thyroid problems from years ago and set him on this path.

The good news. Jeff will get onto proper thyroid treatment. He should start improving metabolically. Reduce his sugar and processed food intake and have him start eating whole foods. Get him out to walk if he can. Any kind of exercise will help.

Finally, take time to center yourself. If you're anything like me, you want to control the entire situation and this makes it difficult to let go. Go listen to some Guy Finley or Eckhart Tolle. It helps me to listen to them...

[arktos62.livejournal.com]

My dear friend, keep us all posted about things. We can't help, especially those of us from afar, but perhaps by writing about your feelings, and knowing that we are reading, you might feel a little bit better. As ever, my heart goes out to you both.

[arktos62.livejournal.com]

Beautiful, kind words. I'm sure they will be of enormous help to Phil. They certainly are to me!

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

Best wishes all around, and here's hoping Jeff's thyroid issue is easily dealt with.

Isaac Asimov had a hypertrophied thyroid that needed to be removed; as he was a teetotaler, he was apparently hit very hard by the pre-op tranquilizer and was singing lustily and waving his arms as he was wheeled to the OR. Once there (and before they could hit him with the anesthesia) he regaled his surgeon thus:

Doctor, doctor, in green coat
Doctor, doctor, cut my throat
And when you've cut it, Doctor then
Won't you sew it up again?

...by which time they were able to knock him out. As a parenthetical remark in relating the story, he added that while he'd do almost anything for a laugh, making one's surgeon's hand shake right before surgery went about 5 miles beyond the bounds of reason.

He recovered nicely from that (despite making his surgeon laugh) so here's hoping Jeff does even better.

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

I have enormous respect for Phil as well as you my Scottish friend. Even though we haven't met, I've never been for want in my times of need. All that I needed was to know that someone cared and I have received that until my cup overflows. BTW, that is my very favorite icon of you.

[holy13nation.livejournal.com]

Incredibly well and movingly put.

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Phil has a good bunch of blokes to lean on. If that were not true, you would not be here.

[patrock.livejournal.com]

aw dude!

life is killing us all

[redmoonriver.livejournal.com]

I'm sending you both hugs and love. :)

[bygbrat.livejournal.com]

big hugs to you both!

[wrascalism.livejournal.com]

BIG hugs to you both!!!!
:o)

Gah!

[huxbear.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear this latest bout of ill-news for the both of you... NOT KNOWING is often the worst part of "finding out" -- waiting until you get concrete information is so maddening, especially for those of us who are used to being the "Do Something About It!" types, as you both are... [[snuggs]]

Positive vibes goin' out to ya, man (men)... [[snuggs & vibes]]

[bearginner.livejournal.com]

Hugs and hoping here that all goes for the better! :-)

[jfboyd.livejournal.com]

Definitely sending positive thoughts your way!

I find that whenever I let the world get me down, I try to remember that it's important to bring my focus back home, to things that I can directly influence. It's like Robert Heinlein writes in "Stranger in a Strange Land", the problems we encounter when taking on the problems of 6 billion strangers.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Ugh, sorry to hear of this setback with Jeff.

Cancer, the scourge of life I recon.

Seems to be hitting more and more people, and not in the same areas, but in a vast array of areas.

Hugs to you both.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

You're both in my heart, thoughts and prayers ...

Words fail me, Phil. You have been dealt a lousy deck of cards!

[bonkishnurtaz.livejournal.com]

I hope that your health improves significantly this year and that Jeff's condition is not malignant and that he recovers completely! ((((HUGS))))

[clintswan.livejournal.com]

healing thoughts for you both...

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

aww shucks I missed this...I hope things get better, soon.