Five years

[greatbear]

Today marked five years since I lost my Mom to cancer. Five years already. It seems like it was just last week. I tried to keep a positive outlook, and that was made a bit easier by focusing on trip preparations and picking up a camping guest. But it finally started to get to me when everyone else went to sleep. It's not a bad thing, though.

I'm finally able to stand aside from my loss and the heavy mental baggage it comes with, and make solid moves with my life. I am able to do the gardening and other tasks that were so close to Mom's creative and recreational side, that I am able to have them make me feel better and enjoy those things in the way that she used to. I think she would be proud. And I am no longer feeling so much that I am "raiding her territories."

I still miss my Mom terribly, and I will do so until my last breath. I also won't say that I have "moved on", it's more like "moved along", carrying with me all the good she imparted into my life.

Comments

[teddyb.livejournal.com]

Phil, it has been decades since I lost my mom, and I still miss her a great deal, so this post really resonated with me.

I'm glad that you are getting to a point where you can enjoy the happiness of the memories of your mom instead of being completely overtaken by the feelings of sadness and loss. As you said, it is a process that will continue on.

But having those wonderful memories and being able to appreciate all the things about your mom that live on in you and your memories and values is a wonderful thing.

[redmoonriver.livejournal.com]

*sending snuggles*

I don't ever expect you to miss your mother any less. I just hope that the burden gets easier to bear. And that I can help somehow.

[maxauburn.livejournal.com]

((BIG HUGS)), Phil.

I agree with you about being "Moved along", and taking the good that a loved one has imparted along with us.

That is a wonderful way of putting it.

[fuzzbearmark.livejournal.com]

*Big Bearhugs*

[rcfozzie.livejournal.com]

Big Hugs to you.

[eric-mathgeek.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[barak.livejournal.com]

You know I've lost all my grandparents and both my parents before I was 21. Even 15-20+ years later, the pain of missing them is still fresh, it will always feel like "yesterday" or "last week", I think.

The key is to find ways to manage that grief. That is what people get better at- managing to live their lives despite the loss.

Big hugs, my friend!

[kirbymiles.livejournal.com]

You will always miss your mom because you love her dearly.
Hugs

[dendren.livejournal.com]

*hugs* she'll always be a part of your life, time can't erase that

[wrascalism.livejournal.com]

I prefer to think of it as "moving on" since it's a never ending process.

HUGS!

[jeffbriggs.livejournal.com]

My mom is still alive and we talk on the phone everyday. I cannot imagine the sadness I will feel when she does pass. Shes really spunky and gardens, is a bit wacko with he baptist crap, but I love her. And in like fashion, I told Shawn just the other night that I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with my Dad, and he passed away 8 years ago. They never leave your life and that's good.

[geometrician.livejournal.com]

It does seem like it wasn't that long ago. I remember when, and I've seen you post each anniversary since. I think this is the first time you posted without the candle user pic. You are a good son to remember her this way.

[merlinwon.livejournal.com]

A beautiful post!!

Made me almost cry abit.. esp. thinkin' how i'm gonna feel if/when anything happens to my mom!!

<3
XoX

[clintswan.livejournal.com]

*hugs*