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Entry tags:
FML
I have been silent in these parts for the past few days since I got home from surgery, and, as I alluded to in the post prior to that one, extended silence means something went wrong. I gave it till the end of this week and I have stabilized, but not in a good way. The surgery did help alleviate the constant numbness and pain that kept me from getting sleep of any quality. Scarring from my previous procedure was removed along with a chunk of herniated disc that broke away and wedged tight against my spinal cord. This was thought to be the cause of all my symptoms including the stabbing sciatic nerve pain shooting down my left leg. After the procedure was done, I basically shook off the anesthesia, performed a self-test for the nurses and doc to make sure things more or less worked, and I was dumped into Jeff's truck for the ride home. I was still achy and stabby and numb, but a lot of that was leftover from the procedure itself.
Or so I thought.
After coming home I found I could not stand upright or use my cane, so I used my POS walker to get into the house, sit down and begin healing. I was back to needing the tool box stack on wheels to get around, but I figured once I got some recovery in, I'd be fine. Crawling into bed that night was a nice surprise, as I was able to finally stretch my legs out with no pain (or far, far less, not entirely pain free) and conk out for a few hours continuously. I discovered soon enough when I woke up that the sciatic nerve pain was indeed still present, and in fact, far worse. I fumed about it for a couple days as it didn't get better, and me being me and assessing situations like I do, I came to a conclusion that I shared with the doc when I called the other day. My "diagnosis" is I actually have two separate injury sites, and only one was actually tended to. By removing the constrictions around my spinal cord, I am freed from the pain the constant pressure was causing, and as a result, the original weakness and numbness was mitigated as well. In simpler terms, the "signal" coming from my lower half is now clearer and without the short circuit that was pinching it off. The problem is, I also have a sciatic nerve pinch closer to my left leg, most likely at the base of the spine well below where this current work was performed. With this new high definition signal path in place, the already excruciating at times stabbing pain has taken on Dolby Digital THX 9.2 channel 3D IMAX proportions. With no attenuator in the signal path, this shit really, really hurts, especially when, if I am in a relaxed position, things are fine. If I stand and let my lower spine begin to take my full upper body weight, instant and excruciating pain. I can actually feel the vertebra stacking against one another right before the pain hits. I asked the doc for a methylpred dose pack once more in an effort to at least knock back the intensity of the pain. It's a long shot, but I'll try anything at the moment. I took the initial round today, if there are any improvements to be had, they will begin to appear in the next few days.
I guess I don't have to say I am one very miserable cuss right now, unable to do much more than lay in bed or sit for short periods in a chair diddlefarting online. Certain motions get me howling in pain, I can't leave the house nor go downstairs or anywhere else the walker or the toolbox stack won't go. I've stumbled and fallen a few times already and the act of catching myself feels as though I'm being attacked with a hatchet to the back, my resulting screams sending the poor dogs under tables and beds or scurrying into far rooms or downstairs. Being totally unable to do anything that normally takes my mind off of things makes me feel like I am in the worst kind of prison. The drugs, pain and inactivity also play hell with my gastrointestinal tract, adding a very directed insult to the injuries I am already beset with. The suffering pooches suffer that much more, as I am completely unable to take them outside much less for a walk, leaving Snickles to whimper knowing he'll only end up crapping in the house. I can let Kodi out on his own, he will do his business and return. Snickles needs to be on a leash, and he likes to do his business far from the house after walking. Jeff does this right after coming home from work, and Snickles, to his credit, seems to be holding it in better than I expected. Both dog's know something is up with me. They are both very appreciative of my return to somewhat normal sleeping, they will stay with me in bed from when Jeff leaves in the morning (between 4-5am) until I might finally get out of bed for good much later, like today at almost noon.
Poor Jeff has tasked himself with taking care of me and, honestly, I truly would be lost without him. He took a bit of time off to take me to and from the surgery and stay with me the following day to make sure I was okay. Work has been very, very busy for him and dealing with me is only a further burden. We were originally going to head to PA this weekend in order to visit his dad, plus mom in the nursing home plus some other things as well as get away from it all. I can't go, obviously, but I insisted he head up tomorrow to see his mom before the holiday, spend needed time with his dad. Dad misses both of us even more these days since mom is no longer at the house. Jeff needs a break away from me more than ever, and I hope the weekend gives him that. He will take Da Snick with him and leave me with the less-of-a-handful Kodi. I will wake up tomorrow (hopefully!) and try to make do with the hand I've been dealt for now.
So what do I think is in my future? I will have to get a new MRI spanning a far more expansive view of my lower back and hip region. The docs will find an impingement site and, due to the scoliosis and advanced disc degeneration, want to fuse a couple if not more of my vertebrae together as a more permanent fix. Anyone who has kept up with my problem here will remember I hurt myself not once, but twice before I was completely incapacitated. The first time probably herniated the disc, causing me the numbness, the second time most likely collapsed my lower spine, making the sciatic nerve pain the worst I ever had. The surgery will be far more invasive, the recovery time quite long, and, most likely, I will be considered permanently disabled at that point. When I had asked my doc for signed paperwork for a handicapped parking placard like I had before, this time he made it out for a permanent (blue) one, rather than the usual red ones I had while I recovered. He knows what I do already, and probably a bit more. I will have to make permanent changes in my life to accommodate this ongoing ordeal, and hope that I can restore at least some of my mobility without pain. Once I know a bit more where I'm headed here, I will file paperwork to apply for disability assistance. I hope to hell I can shake it off and do something real for a living, as it stand now, if I can't do the usual stuff just around here that makes me happy, as varied as it is, there's not much incentive for me to love life anymore. It will just be existing.
Or so I thought.
After coming home I found I could not stand upright or use my cane, so I used my POS walker to get into the house, sit down and begin healing. I was back to needing the tool box stack on wheels to get around, but I figured once I got some recovery in, I'd be fine. Crawling into bed that night was a nice surprise, as I was able to finally stretch my legs out with no pain (or far, far less, not entirely pain free) and conk out for a few hours continuously. I discovered soon enough when I woke up that the sciatic nerve pain was indeed still present, and in fact, far worse. I fumed about it for a couple days as it didn't get better, and me being me and assessing situations like I do, I came to a conclusion that I shared with the doc when I called the other day. My "diagnosis" is I actually have two separate injury sites, and only one was actually tended to. By removing the constrictions around my spinal cord, I am freed from the pain the constant pressure was causing, and as a result, the original weakness and numbness was mitigated as well. In simpler terms, the "signal" coming from my lower half is now clearer and without the short circuit that was pinching it off. The problem is, I also have a sciatic nerve pinch closer to my left leg, most likely at the base of the spine well below where this current work was performed. With this new high definition signal path in place, the already excruciating at times stabbing pain has taken on Dolby Digital THX 9.2 channel 3D IMAX proportions. With no attenuator in the signal path, this shit really, really hurts, especially when, if I am in a relaxed position, things are fine. If I stand and let my lower spine begin to take my full upper body weight, instant and excruciating pain. I can actually feel the vertebra stacking against one another right before the pain hits. I asked the doc for a methylpred dose pack once more in an effort to at least knock back the intensity of the pain. It's a long shot, but I'll try anything at the moment. I took the initial round today, if there are any improvements to be had, they will begin to appear in the next few days.
I guess I don't have to say I am one very miserable cuss right now, unable to do much more than lay in bed or sit for short periods in a chair diddlefarting online. Certain motions get me howling in pain, I can't leave the house nor go downstairs or anywhere else the walker or the toolbox stack won't go. I've stumbled and fallen a few times already and the act of catching myself feels as though I'm being attacked with a hatchet to the back, my resulting screams sending the poor dogs under tables and beds or scurrying into far rooms or downstairs. Being totally unable to do anything that normally takes my mind off of things makes me feel like I am in the worst kind of prison. The drugs, pain and inactivity also play hell with my gastrointestinal tract, adding a very directed insult to the injuries I am already beset with. The suffering pooches suffer that much more, as I am completely unable to take them outside much less for a walk, leaving Snickles to whimper knowing he'll only end up crapping in the house. I can let Kodi out on his own, he will do his business and return. Snickles needs to be on a leash, and he likes to do his business far from the house after walking. Jeff does this right after coming home from work, and Snickles, to his credit, seems to be holding it in better than I expected. Both dog's know something is up with me. They are both very appreciative of my return to somewhat normal sleeping, they will stay with me in bed from when Jeff leaves in the morning (between 4-5am) until I might finally get out of bed for good much later, like today at almost noon.
Poor Jeff has tasked himself with taking care of me and, honestly, I truly would be lost without him. He took a bit of time off to take me to and from the surgery and stay with me the following day to make sure I was okay. Work has been very, very busy for him and dealing with me is only a further burden. We were originally going to head to PA this weekend in order to visit his dad, plus mom in the nursing home plus some other things as well as get away from it all. I can't go, obviously, but I insisted he head up tomorrow to see his mom before the holiday, spend needed time with his dad. Dad misses both of us even more these days since mom is no longer at the house. Jeff needs a break away from me more than ever, and I hope the weekend gives him that. He will take Da Snick with him and leave me with the less-of-a-handful Kodi. I will wake up tomorrow (hopefully!) and try to make do with the hand I've been dealt for now.
So what do I think is in my future? I will have to get a new MRI spanning a far more expansive view of my lower back and hip region. The docs will find an impingement site and, due to the scoliosis and advanced disc degeneration, want to fuse a couple if not more of my vertebrae together as a more permanent fix. Anyone who has kept up with my problem here will remember I hurt myself not once, but twice before I was completely incapacitated. The first time probably herniated the disc, causing me the numbness, the second time most likely collapsed my lower spine, making the sciatic nerve pain the worst I ever had. The surgery will be far more invasive, the recovery time quite long, and, most likely, I will be considered permanently disabled at that point. When I had asked my doc for signed paperwork for a handicapped parking placard like I had before, this time he made it out for a permanent (blue) one, rather than the usual red ones I had while I recovered. He knows what I do already, and probably a bit more. I will have to make permanent changes in my life to accommodate this ongoing ordeal, and hope that I can restore at least some of my mobility without pain. Once I know a bit more where I'm headed here, I will file paperwork to apply for disability assistance. I hope to hell I can shake it off and do something real for a living, as it stand now, if I can't do the usual stuff just around here that makes me happy, as varied as it is, there's not much incentive for me to love life anymore. It will just be existing.
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MANY HUGS
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HUGS and much healing!
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Glad you are getting a more invasive, and expansive look at your back to see what else may be going on that were overlooked, and dealing with that, along with fusing vertebrae for a more permanent fix sounds like a good plan.
While that may make you disabled to a degree, and having a parking sticker that is permanent will help things out when you need it is not always a bad thing.
What may need to happen is a tool that will allow you to lift things safely so you don't re-injure your back so you can do what makes you happy.
Either way, I hope you find a permanent and working solution to your problems - soon.
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Yes..and I would be lost without Pete. But this is what a relationship and love is all about. So, if that is some sort of guilt, on your part, that I am reading between the lines...don't dwell on it. It's what couples do...and, while I don't know Jeff, I am sure he will do the right thing. Your other concerns...the pain and the future, are what needs to be given the highest priority
I would deal with them one at a time...Its hard to deal with the future while you are experiencing such amplified pain. And you need to give "not falling"..your highest priority especially...as you surely dont need yet another complication...like a broken hip
One thing at a time. First the pain...so that you can sleep and relax and more clearly face some of the medical decisions that will need to be made
Next...please make sure you do not fall..use the walker,,and see if you qualify for a moroized device for around the house
Then...planning for the future. The procedures, dealing with any permanent disability.
I wish you all the best. Even though this post did not have a LOT of good news, I am glad you wrote it. Keep writing please. Everyone is rooting for you
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Wish I lived close by to give you a hand. I'm not a praying man, but good thoughts your way...
Please keep posting, when you can, 'K? ((Big hugs))
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Jeff is taking a lot on, but do not get yourself in the mindset that this is a horrible burden on him. Of course it is work, but partners are there to support each other.
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