The Manic Mechanic

Some serious developments in the music industry in recent days. If it's not long-standing players in the industry dying off or facing other dire situations, it's greed and monopolistic practices destined to kill the remaining bits.

First off, the oft-derided Muzak Corporation is filing for bankruptcy. Now, some out there might think this is not such a bad thing, preferring instead to take their elevator rides sans cheerful generic pop music done entirely in strings. But their reach goes beyond lifts, and the music spans the spectrum from headbanging to nodding off. Those of you who subscribe to Dish Network satellite television in the days before they carried the Sirius music channels were treated to several dozen channels of varied, totally uninterrupted music of every genre. These channels came courtesy of the Muzak Co. The thrash metal and thug rap might not have found a home in your average dentist's office, but if it had anything to do with music, Muzak would handle it. Also, the company was not without it's sense of humor. Known mostly for cheesy remakes of pop standards into instrumental string arrangements, they would occasionally slip remade versions of Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and the like into the music streams feeding shops and stores. This would completely fly over the heads of everyone, except for those who know the originals and 'get' the joke. If Muzak dies, a lot of Eastern Bloc radio orchestras will be down on work.

Speaking of Sirius, it seems that the newly-minted SiriusXM satellite radio conglomerate is also facing some serious financial dire straits. Let me be the first to say 'I told you so'. Take two competing companies, neither one able to operate in the black since their inception, and merge them into a single anti competitive entity. You end up with one company with twice the troubles. The satellite radio industry is buoyed by the sales of new cars and continuing subscriptions, neither of which is happening in this recessionary (depressionary) period. Sirius made the big mistake of hauling Howard Stern on board for the ridiculous sum of a half billion dollars. While this caused an initial uptake of subscribers, the math was not there. Stern, like so many people these days should take a pay cut in order to stay employed. I honestly feel that it's too late in the game for the satellite radio giant, since their combined force resulted in a lot of upset customers, and the increased price of subscriptions will drive off existing customers and keep new ones away. You just dont go around raising prices and cutting service on what is essentially a 'luxury' item during periods of slow economy. It's a sure-fire way of losing customers, both potential and existing.

Dish Network, a major holder of SiriusXM, has in the past put it's sights on Sirius. This can be a formidable threat in the near future as SiriusXM looks for any way out of the mess. But I feel the satellite TV industry is going to soon be hit with it's own desire to merge, if for all the wrong reasons.

We've all read about (and I have written about) how the major music labels are dodging coffins amongst decreased sales and alleged music piracy. The one bright spot held up by music fans, artists and promoters is the sales of concert tickets and live performances. This is about to take a hideous turn for the worst, at least in the U.S. as the two purveyors of live music, Ticketmaster and Live Nation, prepare to merge. This is some terrible news for music fans, since the combined conglomerate, to be called Live Nation Entertainment, will be the sole source for concert tickets to major venues and acts nationwide. The combined entity will be a vertically integrated business controlling venues, promotion, ticket sales and even recording deals with artists. How did this happen? Live Nation, once part of Clear Channel Communications (aka The Company That Ruined Radio) was primarily a concert venue owner and promoter. Ticketmaster, that company everyone loved to hate because of their penchant for tacking on exorbitant 'convenience fees' and other dubious charges onto ticket prices, was often the sole source for tickets to major (and not-so-major) live events. At one time, the two companies had begun 'competing' in ticket sales, but that was short lived. Turns out it was machinations leading towards this eventual merger.

Ticketmaster had in recent years began their own mass-scalping operation by redirecting people looking for popular shows to their wholly-owned ticket 'auction' site, TicketsNow, mere minutes after tickets would go on sale and were supposedly sold out. Tickets for sale at TicketsNow would often be three to ten times the face values of the original or box office tickets. Canadians have brought aboot their own half-billion dollar class action lawsuit as a result.

With all the financial and business shenanigans these two companies engaged in, it does not take much to know what the end result will be. Forget going to live shows of any major acts unless you do some serious saving, go into debt or are independently wealthy. This will only serve to take an already teetering music industry and send it over a cliff. Of course, it will all be blamed on file sharing. The only real solace will be found in the independent, small acts and clubs. Much like it was before music became an 'industry'.

When I was trying to decide if I wanted to subscribe to satellite radio a few years back, the choice was fairly easy at the time. At the start, XM's music channels had commercials. Then Sirius came along. Their subscription rate was higher, but there was no commercials. A plus in the Sirius column for me, since the whole reason I was making the jump was to get away from the increasingly pervasive and annoying advertising on terrestrial radio. By that time, XM had matched Sirius in both commercial-free music programming (plus) as well as the higher monthly rate (minus). XM was created by the same people who brought us ClearChannel (big fuck fuckityfuck minus!), the hellspawn from Satan's bloody cooch which ruined radio. Sirius also had OutQ, the GLBT channel (huge plus). OutQ has Larry Flick, aka lfkbear (another big furry plus).

So, Sirius it was. Lots of diverse programming, decent hardware and commercial free tunes. Great for traveling. OutQ became my drive-time channel, with Larry and the bunch in the mornings, and waaay-left leaning Michelangelo Signorile in the afternoon. Life was good. Then it began to happen. The commercials that are unfortunately carried by OutQ (and just about all the talk formats, there is no getting around it, plus that format needs the breaks for proper flow) started to multiply and sour. But these are not your ordinary commercials. They have leaned heavily into annoying ads for dubious work-at-home schemes, ambulance chasing lawyers, debt reduction and financing, snake-oil medicinal cures, you get the idea. And the irritation factor is compounded with most of these ads repeating the toll-free numbers no less than three times, sometimes more. Always the sign of hucksterism and sleaze. You've seen it on late night network television. So much for the notion that gay audiences are sophisticated. Most likely, these are the only outfits willing to drop coin to be heard in the gay ghetto, and Sirius goes for the bucks any way they can. And I pay for this.

I find myself growing weary of riding the volume control between the slowly decreasing minutes of actual programming. What is it with advertisers? Whoever came up with the notion that irritating the listener/viewer is a successful business model should be shot repeatedly starting from the feet and slowly working upward. Clever advertising is more memorable but far, far less prevalent. Were I to become king of the planet, I would seek out every writer/producer of these shitty slimeball ads and punch them repeatedly in the nose till there is nothing left.

Sorry, Larry and crew, there are days I have to shut off the radio and listen to the engine instead.

Is there any respite to be had against the tide of horrendous commercialism?

Here is one of the most amazing commercials I have seen to date:

Watch on YouTube

And one of the worst:

Watch on YouTube

I have already mentioned a couple times where a clever, fun ad will make me want to buy a product. Too much craptastic advertising makes me want to go postal on someone's ass.