The Manic Mechanic

Automotive advertising is inescapable. It has been for at least a century. Print, billboards, television, even entire movies and TV series have been thinly disguised advertising vehicles (see what I did there?) for the automobile industry the world over. Some are clever, some are annoying, some are so pompous as to not even show the actual car (looking at you, Infiniti). But all of these ads have one thing in common. They introduce new marques and models. The latest, if not greatest, things. The shiny stuff of dreams and dealer showrooms. Macho truck ads. Those you-have-arrived spots for luxury models. Snow flying off of SUVs. Tire smoke and speed for the sports and muscle cars. You know the drill. Many of those cars and trucks are familiar to lots of people, being made for decades. Honda Accords. Toyota Corollas. Chevy Impalas. Ford F-150s. Sure, some nostalgia creeps in, and the new models pay homage in styling or in resurrected models from their heydays past. Still, it's all meant to get feet into the showrooms and butts in leather trimmed seats. No one would ever advertize an old model, or even yet, spend screen time and print space telling people some vehicle is going to end production, not to be replaced with something new, would they?

Well, if you are Volkswagen, a brand familiar to just about everyone on the planet, and the vehicle is the Type 2, aka Kombi, better known as the Bus stateside, a sight seen on roads the world over for over a half century, an icon of pop culture and counterculture everywhere, sometimes a good run has to come to an end. Rather than silently letting the model die off as the industry is known to do, it is instead a cause for celebration, even if it is bittersweet. Still being produced in Brazil much the same as it had been at the start, the last models rolled off the production like in September, 2013, ending an era of automotive production of a particular model since, well, that other bug-shaped car from VW. This is a sendoff, a goodbye, a farewell, but, oh, what a wonderful sendoff it is. Betcha never got choked up at a car ad before.

I think practically anyone old enough to drive has memories of these quirky buses, even if they never owned one or knew someone with one. Thing is, despite no longer being made, there will be another half century filled with people who will know of the humble Type 2/Kombi/Bus. This touching tribute has stops all over the world, including practically my back yard, in Baltimore. They are still quite plentiful in these parts.

These days I have more of an interest in football than I ever had prior, thanks to Jeff. Any time his beloved Cowboys or Penn State are on TV, he's there yelling at the set. He had warned me of becoming a "football widow" during the season, but rather than trying to beat 'em, I joined 'em, as it were. Jeff dutifully answered my questions regarding the finer points of the game, along with the not-so serious ones ("Why is it called 'football' when they rarely use their feet and it's not technically a ball?") and in no time I started getting pulled into the action. I would often watch the Super Bowl throughout the years just for the spectacle of it; it would occasionally fall on my birthday weekend like this year. The programming preceding the game often shows the personal side of the game as it relates to player, coaches and whatnot, this adds to the human side of the game, reminding me that it is not just all about the game itself. Stories like that of O. J. Brigance, former Ravens linebacker (as well as linebacker from the defunct CFL Baltimore Stallions) stricken with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) who, despite the advanced stages of the disease is still active with the team as Director of Player Development. It was a touching story, made even more so at the end of the game when they dedicated their win to him. The win was also a huge one for Baltimore, which, after years of mediocre activity of their major sports teams, economic issues and so on, have been buoyed recently by improving economic conditions, an almost-World Series from the Orioles, a successful Grand Prix that will be held again this year, and lots of external good will. It is easy for me to dismiss the success of a city's team, especially when I hear of rioting and destruction in the wake of a major win. No, the effect is real, with local businesses doing well, folks upbeat for more than just a winning team, and lots of positive benefits for the city and the people as a whole. Sure there will always be negatives, but even seeing the old folks wearing team colors in public along with the very young, brings smiles to faces.

Of course, the big draw of Super Bowl Sunday, for some even more than the game, is the commercials. Those who know me well are aware of my love/hate relationship with advertising. Yes, there is more hate than love, as I see advertising a parasitic relationship with the environment and most times quite dishonest. Super Bowl Sunday, however, is a time when advertisers pull out the stops to make some really good commercials, often with the actual product being secondary to the overall message. No one does this better than Budweiser with their ongoing series of ads featuring the trademark Clydesdale horses. These have always been very entertaining and some quite moving. I really fell in love with the ads when the Dalmatian was brought on board, and recent years have made the ads something I look forward to even more than favorite movie sequels. This year didn't disappoint. I dare the viewer not to get even slightly misty-eyed at this one:

Anyone who knows horses can probably attest that this is not a far-fetched scenario (I'm looking at you, badgerpdx).

The Big Game is over, Baltimore can hold its collective head a bit higher, along with the entire state of Maryland, and I can dote on Jeff as he goes through pangs of football withdrawal. :-)

I can envision the parking lots at the various furry conventions having a preponderance of Kia Souls because of these commercials.

Okay, what do the other "vehicles" represent? Toaster has to be a Honda Element. The cardboard box has to be aimed at the Nissan cube and Scion xB. This version of the commercial has washers/dryers, I am assuming aimed at the appliance-like nature of some other cars. What's y'all's take?

So I told y'all earlier that Jeff and I had dinner at Red Robin (yummmmm!). Those familiar with their TV/radio commercials know of their very brief "jingle" (the aforementioned a capella singing of "Red Robin" followed by "Yummmm") on the outro of the spots. Each time either one of us mentions Red Robin (or for that matter, sees a red robin in a tree, or Batman's sidekick) the other will almost inevitably hum the "yum" part. In my odd little brain of Mayhem, I would always associate the jingle with Paul Simon. Actually, one Paul Simon song in particular. The "yum" in the Red Robin is the same pitch chord as the intro to "Loves Me Like A Rock." Yeah, I know, seems odd, but with my pesky perfect pitch somehow crosslinked with an intermittent case of OCD, tonight I fired up the studio paraphernalia to prove the point to myself, not to mention get rid of a persistent earworm. Sure enough, I was right on. Here are two pitch-unaltered clips merged into my own version of "Loves Me Like Red Robin." Enjoy.

Loves Me Like Red Robin

It's the season when I become a "football widow" as Jeff becomes glued to the various college and pro games on the telly. Of course I join him now and again (hell, ya can't beat 'em, right?). We saw this commercial for the first time and could not figure out what it was for until the very end. We both thought it was cool. Not to mention thought provoking. And cute.

When I was trying to decide if I wanted to subscribe to satellite radio a few years back, the choice was fairly easy at the time. At the start, XM's music channels had commercials. Then Sirius came along. Their subscription rate was higher, but there was no commercials. A plus in the Sirius column for me, since the whole reason I was making the jump was to get away from the increasingly pervasive and annoying advertising on terrestrial radio. By that time, XM had matched Sirius in both commercial-free music programming (plus) as well as the higher monthly rate (minus). XM was created by the same people who brought us ClearChannel (big fuck fuckityfuck minus!), the hellspawn from Satan's bloody cooch which ruined radio. Sirius also had OutQ, the GLBT channel (huge plus). OutQ has Larry Flick, aka lfkbear (another big furry plus).

So, Sirius it was. Lots of diverse programming, decent hardware and commercial free tunes. Great for traveling. OutQ became my drive-time channel, with Larry and the bunch in the mornings, and waaay-left leaning Michelangelo Signorile in the afternoon. Life was good. Then it began to happen. The commercials that are unfortunately carried by OutQ (and just about all the talk formats, there is no getting around it, plus that format needs the breaks for proper flow) started to multiply and sour. But these are not your ordinary commercials. They have leaned heavily into annoying ads for dubious work-at-home schemes, ambulance chasing lawyers, debt reduction and financing, snake-oil medicinal cures, you get the idea. And the irritation factor is compounded with most of these ads repeating the toll-free numbers no less than three times, sometimes more. Always the sign of hucksterism and sleaze. You've seen it on late night network television. So much for the notion that gay audiences are sophisticated. Most likely, these are the only outfits willing to drop coin to be heard in the gay ghetto, and Sirius goes for the bucks any way they can. And I pay for this.

I find myself growing weary of riding the volume control between the slowly decreasing minutes of actual programming. What is it with advertisers? Whoever came up with the notion that irritating the listener/viewer is a successful business model should be shot repeatedly starting from the feet and slowly working upward. Clever advertising is more memorable but far, far less prevalent. Were I to become king of the planet, I would seek out every writer/producer of these shitty slimeball ads and punch them repeatedly in the nose till there is nothing left.

Sorry, Larry and crew, there are days I have to shut off the radio and listen to the engine instead.

Is there any respite to be had against the tide of horrendous commercialism?

Here is one of the most amazing commercials I have seen to date:

Watch on YouTube

And one of the worst:

Watch on YouTube

I have already mentioned a couple times where a clever, fun ad will make me want to buy a product. Too much craptastic advertising makes me want to go postal on someone's ass.

I finally managed to get a copy of this. Probably the best Virgin Airlines commercial ever.
(1.1MB Windows Media file)


In other news, well, I guess skip that filter thing. Forget I mentioned it. lol