The Manic Mechanic

Today I drove to the MVA to put in the paperwork and get a temporary handicapped parking placard. The place was packed, with the usual feel (and sound, thanks to the P.A. system and loud talkers) of a third-world country. When I inquired about where I had to go to get things done, I was directed to the far end of the building. On arriving there, I was greeted with a non-moving line of probably 100 people, folded back and forth by a corral of tape guide posts. I cannot stand in one place for more than five minutes, much less the time needed among that claustrophobic mess. I walked out. Granted, it was later in the day. I'll try earlier again tomorrow, if I'm greeted with the same noisy mass of humanity that teabagger nightmares are made of, I'll make my own scene with the folks running that show as to what a poor sot like me is expected to do. I was incensed.

To top things off, my cell phone rings on the way home, and I'm informed that my surgery date is not until fucking October 11. Another goddamn month and then some to endure this ever worsening hell before I can even hope for any relief. I pulled into a parking lot and tried to keep from falling apart, with limited success. Jeff finds me later that day in the garage, in a gloomy funk though trying to keep busy with stuff as good as I can. I told him the news, he stood shocked at the date so seemingly far in the future. We talked about it all through my haze of frustration, he tried to cheer me up in a bit of an inopportune way, to which I threw my project on the floor and recoiled. This made him go off in a huff, with Kodi in tow, and there I was, soaking in the knowledge that despite all appearances, I'm really alone in this fucking battle. I totally lost it. I'm really trying my best, but unlike the way I'm used to things, I am far too reliant, and withheld, by external forces beyond my control. In the grand scheme of things, compared to what I've dealt with in the past, and what some friends of mine are dealing with, it's relatively minor. But the circumstances, the pain, the financial bits, the often humiliating situations I find myself in and the absolute glacial rate of progress through this ordeal is really beginning to beat me down. I'll manage, I'm sure. My fear is that this episode in my life will leave a mark on me, and I don't mean a surgical scar. I'm afraid I will become an old, cynical, practically hateful man ready to snap at people and situations that would normally slide off my back.

Perhaps I shouldn't have posted this. But I needed to vent.

Jeff and I are safely home after our first camping trip of the year. It's also become the way Jeff and I celebrate his birthday. He's 47 now! Doing this one relatively close to home is a way to start off easy, make sure we have everything in order and iron out any sort of problems that might crop up. The latter did make a showing and really could have been serious.
( Pics and text of what happened, plus a rant... )

Though it rained on and off on Friday, Saturday was absolutely perfect, and exactly what I had ordered for Jeff's big day. Though our 'mystery guest (sounds like 'camp caddy') could not make it, Jeff and I along with a remarkably well-behaved Kodi had a most enjoyable day.



This is our spot, same as last year. There were more people camping this time than the previous two years. Surprising, but makes sense, since camping is still one of the cheapest and most fun getaways that can be had. We love camping, and do so several times a year. We are on tap for P-Town again this year, plus three trips to Hillside. We can't wait.

A Flickr photo Set of the Deep Creek trip can be found here.

I've finally started getting serious about disposing the many years of accumulated crap that's been clogging the basement. Two full truckloads of mostly old electronic gear and computers, an old dryer, TV sets, old cabinets, blown speakers, monitors and household nonsense got taken for a one-way ride. I had several televisions, all with minor trouble that I had hoped to make use of, either repaired and put to use, or used for parts. Before I hauled a lot of these things off, I stripped them of minor bits like speakers, line cords and hardware. One set, needing only a flyback transformer, had a similar chassis to another set (a Sony) that Mom had in her bedroom. Figuring that I would not really need anything from this set to support the one in use, I pulled the speaker out and recycled the rest. Saturday afternoon I dumped all the cruft at the Howard County landfill/recycling center. They have a very well run facility there, with areas for every imaginable recyclable item, and several dumpsters for those things that cannot be recycled or otherwise removed from the waste stream. It takes less than ten minutes to place things in their respective areas and scoot on out of there. And the basement is starting to open up again. That's a much awaited good thing.

That evening, the Sony set with the chassis similar to the discarded set decided to give up the ghost. Hell, that did not take even a day to happen. All those free parts? Gone. Oh well, now there is one more television that will most likely make the trip. A shame, really, because that set kept Mom company for about 24 years. I guess it's just another small part connecting me to the past that has vanished in recent years.

This coming weekend is our final camping trip to Hillside for the year. We usually try to make the last one a big group affair, inviting several friends to stay with us to make the last one the best. But, as has been increasingly the case, trying to get people to commit to the weekend is damn near impossible.I did find out that one buddy (you know who you are) and his partner are unable to make it due to him being stuck on call that weekend. The rest have yet to respond, and we have to make plans for food and space. It's frustrating. We've been hesitant to plan any sort of get-togethers of any kind because what begins as enthusiasm for throwing whatever bash at the start becomes disinterest, avoidance and last-minute cancellations at the approach of the event. We and up being stuck with a lot of expensive food and other wasted items. I would say this is a big problem in the gay community with the so-called legendary fear of commitment, but it happens to everyone at one point or another. Unless it's some sort of A-list who's who gathering of see-and-be-seens or the weekly bridge club that never misses out, it's never a sure thing. And, sadly, it's part of what is making me a bit more antisocial than I want to be as I get older.

It used to be a lot easier.

I hope to get a lot more outdoor work done during the first part of the week when I come home from work. I'm fed up with the place looking half abandoned from the outside. It's truly soul sapping at times.Jeff and I joke about bringing in a housecub to help out. These days it seems to be less of a joke, unless it's on us.

Any volunteers?